Both my mother and father now rest in peace due to the evil curse known as influenza. I felt I was once a blessed girl, living in the country and possessing joy and love. Money never crossed my mind though I did have an urge to make something of myself- I dreamt of living a high-class life with expensive dresses and rich dinner parties. Now, this dream seems further away then ever. From day to day all I now think about is earning enough money to by food and pay my rent. I feel alone and lost, I plan to move away from Oxley to Brumley in search of a new beginning and more importantly a better life.
20th April 1910 Dear Diary, Having moved to Brumley, I now work at a factory called “Burling and Company.” The money is not good but it is acceptable, some of my fellow colleagues are going on a holiday this summer but I plan to stay in Brumley and save enough money to move into a flat with better living conditions. Brumley has not achieved my dreams and aspirations but it is better than Oxley. I wish I had never stepped into Mr Birling’s cold and heartless office. After the summer, around a dozen employees including me decided to ask for a rise from twenty-two and six to twenty-five shillings a week. Mr Birling being an egotistic and merciless boss furiously declined, he proclaimed that it was his “duty to keep labour costs down” and as a result he dismissed fellow workers including me, as I was believed to be a “troublesome character.”
It is getting towards the end of autumn and once again financial hardship is affecting me more than anything else. Looking back I loathe Mr Birling even more- a few measly shillings would not have affected his beloved business but to me it would determine wheatear I have dinner or not. Currently my life seems to be heading towards a bottomless pit and my situation is dire- I am in desperate need for a job. After a year of hardship and pain my life is finally looking up. I’m currently employed in a cloth shop called Millwards due to influenza causing a lack of assistants. I find it quite ironic that the same plague that killed my parents would also give me another chance in life; it is a wonderful experience, I’m meeting new people, working hard and discovering new fashions. I prey to god that this will
Abruptly and suddenly my life has been turned upside down, once again my dreams and aspiration have been crushed. My superb job was wrecked when a young high-class girl accused me of mockery. She was in an outraged mood, taking out her anger on me and using her superior powers and status to get me fired. I feel embarrassed and tortured. What a childish and foolish girl she was! I was innocent and was made a victim of her lack of morals. She has everything that I don’t have, she does not have to live in isolated conditions and has parents to nurture and care. Her life is not worthless and hollow like mine.
After my redundancy at Millward my life revolved around money once again and I changed my name to Daisy Renton to conceal my emotional scars and fears. A fortnight ago at the Palace Music Hall I met a gentleman by the name of Gerald Croft who saved me from a drunken, disgustingly obscene womaniser. Following this frightening event I was taken along to the County Hotel and I acquainted with Gerald- this started our relationship, which brings us to recent affairs. Although I am in love with Gerald I realise there is no future in our relationship, he already has a girlfriend! I’m staying in one of Gerald’s friends flat until the friend returns and reclaims it, this just proves that the relationship is a sham but at least hunger is not a factor anymore.
Disappointment is an area repeatedly attacking my heart. My affair officially ended when Gerald’s friend reclaimed the flat and Gerald himself had to go away on business. I new my secret affair with Gerald would come to an end sooner or later but it does not stop me feeling used and discarded. I plan to travel to the coast and live of the money that Gerald gave me just before he left. Setting eyes on Eric was a horrible mistake! After being kicked out of my flat due to lack of money I was vulnerable and miserable. This, accompanied by Eric being drunk and juvenile led to sexual encounters and secret meetings. Unlike my relationship with Gerald I fell nothing for Eric- I consider him immature and na�ve. Like before I am once again in a tangled web that is headed for disaster, things are at an all time low.
Why did I tempt fate’situations are now much worse than back in November yet there is still no silver lining. Recently I discovered that I’m pregnant due to my regretful sexual rendezvous with Eric throughout the month of November while the money he has been supplying me has been stolen. As a result I plan to end the relationship with Eric and cut my losses- I do not need to be involved in an embezzlement by taking stolen money. Looking back the only reason I started a relationship with Eric anyway was for friendship and companionship, in the end I received neither.
I have done nothing wrong but I am still constantly tormented with heartache, pain, and sorrow! I had decided to make a last gasp attempt for an acceptable life by changing my name to Mrs Birling and seek help at the Brumleys Woman’s Organisation, but they rejected my case instantly. Mrs Birling, an arrogant, harsh women made it her own vendetta to make sure I did not benefit from the charities aid. I do not understand why she misunderstood my situation; instead, all she did was use her superior class to continuously blame the father of the child- I left the organization disgraced and worse of than before.
Hunger and the constant worry of the newborn are like an enraged fire within me. I am not only mentally, but also physically devastated, I know I have to strong though! The money I have remaining will barely get me a loaf of bread- I do not know how long I can last, I do not know how much more heartbreak I can take. Throughout the last two years I have been relentlessly made an innocent victim of lack of moral feelings. I desire love, appreciation, prosperity, and companionship but all I acquired was hatred, condemnation, and loneliness. Each consecutive misery has caused me more pain and financial hardship- I do not hope for another chance in life but I do prey that people will realise that there is only a fine line between the rich, the poor and the wicked. I believe that I have out stayed my welcome in this heartless world and it time for me to leave everything behind.
