“Mommy, I’ve killed God. ” You wanted a scar; there it is, plain as day(no two-level, deep meanings attached).
My scar isn’t external, nor, do Isuppose, is it internal. Heck, I don’t know what it is but all my life I knowit’s been my scar, my burden. I have a problem with Christianity. But I don’tshow disrespect to those who choose to follow it (unless they try to imposetheir beliefs on me), and I don’t force my thoughts on anyone (you are choosingto read this). You want sex, intoxication, violence, incest and death? Read theBible! Though, on second thought, maybe you should stick to ‘Lost Souls’ byPoppy Z.
Brite, it’s much better. I killed God when I was still little; no onemade me. Or maybe they did! Maybe the couple hours a week of religious educationfor ten years did, maybe it was the bible passages they told a room full ofsix-year-olds, because no matter how pretty the stories they told us were, Ialways knew they were just easy answers. God’s love is boundless, God forgivesall, and it doesn’t matter if you don’t love Jesus, because Jesus loves you.
Isn’t that nice? But wait a minute, then sin comes into it. If you sin, eventhough ‘God’s love is infinite and he will forgive all’, sorry sucker, you’regoing to hell. Unbelievable? Here, let me explain. You may think ‘Now that’sokay, God forgives me; I’m going to heaven’. Yeah right! You’re blocking thehitch that’s always associated with something that’s too good to be true; theBible says that all men are sinners. So what’s a girl to do? It seems you’regoing to be going to hell anyway.
And who is going to end up in heaven if theserules kick in? I’d much rather live in hell with my friends, thank you verymuch. It sounds like you’d get some pretty weird little guys in heaven. I thinkI’ll leave them to it. On the flip side, we don’t need to worry about going tohell; we’re all going to heaven! Yeah! Because of Jesus, who by the way was bothGod and God’s only son (and this guy invented mankind? He must’ve been prettystoned the day Jesus appeared on the scene). Anyway, guess what? Jesus died forour sins! So now we can sin as much as we like and it doesn’t matter. Now wasn’tthat just kind of him? And then you realize that since you’re supposed to followeverything in the bible, you have to live both sides at the same time,complicated, huh? I’m not even sure I want to go to heaven, because if the bibleis true then God just doesn’t seem like a very nice guy.
I doubt he’d like metoo much. I read the Book of Job and the big man in the sky doesn’t exactly comeoff looking too good in this one. It all starts one fine day when the Devil(lovely chap) starts pestering God to prove how faithful one of his followersis. God caves to Devil’s mind tricks and picks out a random guy who has alwaysbeen a well-behaved Christian.
And so, God kills his family, ruins his crops,and plagues him with all sorts of diseases. How nice of God whose, mind you,love is boundless and infinite and you should follow his example. I don’t knowabout you but I’d rather not. Incase you hadn’t noticed I’m not your idealcandidate for entry into the kingdom heaven. Lets see: I’ve had a drink,probably will have sex, taken drugs, swear occasionally, I don’t love my enemies(or even my neighbors, for that matter), hate is one of my most frequently usedemotions, and I don’t believe in God (now that’s a major one!).
But that’s notthe worst of it because I happen to believe that love transcends gender. Goddoesn’t like this, if you’re gay, you’re not going to heaven. So children repeatafter me; ‘God is a homophobe’. I’ve not even scratched the surface yet, butsurely you can already see why I’ve killed God. Maybe you’ve begun to understanda modicum of the torment I feel.
The blasted torment that I have to carry as ascar on myself for the rest of my life.
