“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. ” – Ephesians 6:10-12 There’s this place, its round, but it has flat personalities in it. It’s beautiful, but it has the most horrific attitude. It’s so lovable but has hatred people contained in it.
Unfortunately, I had to see the world at its worst at a really young age. Eight years old, and already looking in the magazines wanting to be the girls on the cover. Crying in the middle of the night, barely looking in the mirror, because if I did. I would see the horrifying looking girl staring back at me. Judging. But at thirteen is when my mind was set that I was fat. I know stupid, but true. The girls on my cheer team who picked me up for stunts kept saying that I’m “too heavy” to be picked up or I “need to lose weight. Because they’re the ones carrying me, I thought it had to be true. I knew it wasn’t true. But my mind was stuck thinking it is. So I just slowly stopped eating.
This past year, is when my roller coaster went on its biggest drop. My “best friend” started telling everyone what I told her, either the whole thing or twisted up to make it more interesting. Then started creating rumors, I didn’t know it was happening until after 8 months. I felt at that point, that everyone hated me even God. So then I did it, I suffered with self-harm for almost a year.
I was so overwhelmed with all the bullies and gossip from other people that I didn’t look to God for help, I looked for blades. 10 months later, in May, I was admitted into the hospital for treatment for anorexia/bulimia, self-harm, and depression. I can’t tell you that I’m fine now, that everything’s normal, you can’t just recover that fast, it’s a lifetime recovery. I can’t that I haven’t skipped a meal or that I haven’t cut, but what I can tell you is, you have God. I’m dead serious, God saved my life.
The day before I entered treatment, God knew that people loved me, he knew that I’ll be happier, and that my life would get better. He didn’t let me kill myself. He told my mom to walk into the room. And if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here right now. I wouldn’t have friends, family, or the person I love. Those people helped me find my true self. Correction, you guys. You all helped me find God’s love. so instead of being overwhelmed with drama, bullies, self-image, and all the evils that are in this world, I’m overwhelmed by God’s love. I am very thankful that y’all are in my life. I love you so much.
