When I hear the word “love” it always gives me this unfathomable feeling of happiness and sadness at the same time. All the happiest and most painful memories I once had and experienced with my first love flashes back into my mind. I was again able to hear the laughs we had shared whenever when we’re together. Our exchanging of “Good morning” and “Good night” messages each and every day. The rules that we have to break just to meet and the support we give to inspire each other. Though, we all know that every beginning has its own ending. And in just a snap, all those dreams turned into nightmares.
Through those, I’ve come to realize that love was not just as easy as standing up when you tripped in a pebble. It was not always as calming and relaxing when you hear the birds sing, and it was not just as beautiful as those blooming flowers in the garden. Love is a mixture of excitement, joy, holdbacks, and regrets. It was never as easy as anyone, even I, thought it would be. As the saying goes, everything comes when you least expect it, as well as love. Love comes by surprise, you never know when and where will it happen, and to which person you will experience it. Just like what happened to me, to us.
I never thought that an acquaintance, who I thought would just like to be friends with me, will take the courage to court me. And I know that entering into a relationship as early as second year high school will not last long, and I was right. But still, I was not able to do anything to stop what I felt for him, because just like what the majority says, you can never stop your heart when it starts beating for someone. During the first few months of courting, he already let me feel like I was the most important girl for him, and how he was deeply, madly, and crazily in love with me.
I’ve got all his attention that whenever I was not able to reply to his messages, he already gets paranoid. He cares for me a lot that he always reminds me to never pass a meal. He also never forgets to tell me how much he loves me, and how he imagined his future with me. And with that, I began to fall and be attached to him also. I started showing how important and special he is to me, and eventually, I was also able to say how much I love him. Nothing is perfect, even in relationships. We all know that love always comes with hate, for without hate there is no love, and vice versa.
Having small fights and misunderstandings are already a part of a relationship, especially for us, young lovers. We’re still too immature to solve the big problems of the world that will be thrown to us. That’s why it always boils down for us to cool off, and give each other our own space and time to think about things. And after a few days of cooling off and realizing things, he will then make a way on how to bring us back together. But nothing is permanent in this world except change. Slowly, everything between us starts to fall off. And who would have thought that that just one misunderstanding will totally end everything between us.
That on that same day we’re planning how we will celebrate our “monthsary,” will also be that same day that we’ll get into a serious misunderstanding. And worst, after days of not talking about what had happened, we broke up-the thing I feared the most. After what happened, we still remained being friends, which is kind of unusual to “Exes,” but everything went well. May be, we were really not meant for each other to be together. That we’ve just met to prepare each other to the person that God really had given us. The one who will fully understand us. The one who will accept who and what we really are.
The one who really deserve both of us. I know that my 19 years of existence is still not mature enough to this kind of thing. I still have many goals to achieve. I still have many countries to visit. I still got a lot of time to enjoy life with my friends and family. A diploma, after college, still awaits me. And a nice, and comfy seat in an office is still waiting for me to be occupied. And this thing called “Love,” it can wait. It will come in my life at the right place, on right time, and with the right person in front of me. And I’ll make sure, that when that thing comes, it will now last for a lifetime.