My first interview was with, Jennifer she is a married 29 year old, with one child. They have been married for five years. The relationship she is in seems to fall right into place with the five stages of interpersonal relationships that are in the book: Contact, involvement, intimacy, deterioration, and repair. The relationship seems to be built on a solid foundation of trust.
The relationship started when the two met in college. The attraction theory was in effect when she saw his muscular body and great smile as he stared at her with his soft and genuine eyes. She thinks that her casual confident attitude, as well as her large smile is what attracted him to her. The involvement stage was underway when he asked her out for one date that led to many more.
The found they had many things in common personality wise and became very comfortable in each others company. As the intimacy levels rose and when the social penetration theory started to take hold the problems began as their conversations started getting more in dept he started to withdraw. One of the flaws that Jennifer finds in her husband is that when something is making him uncomfortable then he does not like to talk about it, and usually becomes sarcastic and does not communicate very well. Disclosing things about his past was a risk that he was not willing to take with Jennifer. Jennifer was sure that the relationship was going to end because they started to become complacent with each other and the intimacy they had was slipping away.
The social exchange was out of balance and her profits from the relationship were not worth what it was costing her. They had a child and he is the third party that was being used to replace the attention and affection that she was used to getting from her husband. The turning point came from and outside source that made the two of them sit down and face some facts about their relationship. The things that were making her husband uncomfortable from the beginning were now at the forefront of their discussions. It seems that trying to avoid the problem was causing many more problems in their relationship, now that the problem is out in the open and they have discussed it, the relationship is repaired.
Once they realized the problem and were able to discuss and it in a productive manner everything just kind of worked itself out. They give each other a lot more affirmations now, with positive feedback, a little humor and a lot less sarcasm they have rediscovered each other and enjoy a much higher level of intimacy than ever before. I think it was a very honest interview the answers she gave were very detailed and open. When looking at it from the standpoint of the text and our notes it all makes a little more sense and relationships all seem so clear cut and easy. The second interview about a relationship was with Tina who has been in a relationship for about eight months. I can recognize the first four stages in a relationship but not the repair or dissolution.
The relationship goes on despite it just being in limbo from my point of view. Tina was attracted to her boyfriend because he is tall and athletic similar to her own person, the attraction theory of similar people being drawn together back at work. The relationship started fast and furious after being introduced at a party they went on one date and back to the apartment for a little sexual relations. Tina now thinks this was a mistake because they never really got to know each other very well although they got involved they never gained any intimacy other than sexual and that fades a little with time. Now that the bedroom has cooled down they do not have much to talk about at least nothing with any dept or breadth to it.
She does not trust him because she knows he has slept with another woman. She has also slept with someone else trying to fill her emotional needs somewhere else and to pay him back. They do not go .
