My sexuality began in my mother’s womb after conception and continued thereafter on May 23, 1978 with my twin sister. Although my twin and I have many similarities we are fraternal due to opposite genders. I probably began to realize my gender as a male while my parents use to change me and I began to explore my own body. Growing up as a male was something I considered very special and powerful to me. I often looked up to other significant males in my life.
It was extremely easy for me to recognize the differences between the male and female gender because I was able to compare myself to my twin sister. To me, a male was someone who was both physically and mentally strong. He was responsible for providing for his family and was the support for the family through thick and thin. I realized that one day I would have to take on these roles and responsibilities just as my father did. At a young age I was able to notice significant differences between children of the female and male genders.
From having a sister I inferred that all girls were suppose to play with dolls, wear dresses and do their make-up. Although I used to interact a lot with my twin sister, during my early years I did not feel much attraction towards girls. At the age of about the age of ten I began to realize that girls were positive and began to feel some type of attraction towards them. This attraction continued to grow stronger as I matured through my adolescent stages. It wasn’t long before I gained an understanding for the concept of “relationship” between sexes. Slackman 2 As I child I remember the onset of puberty and sexual feeling very distinctly.
At about the age of fourteen I decided to go to the movies with a girl in my class. We we’re watching the movie and holding hands. All of a sudden she began to rub my penis over my pants and I was astonished as to how good this felt. From then on sexual interactions with that of the opposite gender began to continue.
I also began to explore my body in a different way then before. This was because my body had been undergoing hormonal changes. I seemed embarrassed to talk about this with my parents because I thought that I was abnormal until a couple of years later when I mentally matured and was more open with my sexuality and sexual feelings. My sexual interactions began to advance further and further with girls as we became more comfortable with one another and our relationships began to progress.
I knew that I was not the only one going through these changes. Throughout the stages of puberty my body began to become something very personal to me. I found it to be extremely uncomfortable for me to speak with my parents about my sex life although I realize that they were once young and curious too. Around the age of sixteen I began to feel a little more comfortable with my dad and whenever I went out with a girl he would always ask me if I needed the “protection talk”. these moments were always very awkward and my immediate reply would be that I am okay and everything was under control. Slackman 3 I first became aware of my parents sexuality around the age of seven.
I realized how humans are created. This subject was touched upon in school and enforced more at home by my parents reading books to my sister and I. I guess that my parents began to teach us about this topic because my mother was pregnant with my younger sister at the time. It was necessary for my parents to teach us because my mothers body was going through drastic physical changes. Prior to this I noticed my parents sexuality by walking into their bedroom and observing my mother and father naked prior to taking a shower. I learned significant differences from peers of the opposite genders in my teenage years.
This included physical and mental changes. I learned that girls were more conscious as to the way the looked and the activities they participated in were much less physical than that of boys. Boys are more into contact sports such as football, baseball, and soccer. While on the other hand girls were more into just sitting and gossiping with their friends. While hanging out with my peers we would usually also talk and discuss which girls were cute and what they did with us guys.
Although I’m sure that they discussed the same. Throughout life as I matured I started to realize that guys could have girls that were just their friend to whom they could speak their emotions and feelings without thinking of them as girlfriends. I also learned from guys and girls what physically each gender liked sexually by feeling open enough to discuss these issues with my peers. Today as I am currently writing this paper one of my best friends is a girl. Although this seems kind of weird how our friendship has grown so close, maybe one day we will be Slackman 4 more than just friends.
One question that comes to mind is whether or not this would ruin our friendship. I have many special memories of opposite gender exploration that have accumulated through the years. Some of these include my first “kiss”. This occurred during the summer before I entered seventh grade with a girl I had known from day camp for a couple of years. It all took place behind bunk number three.
I remembered being extremely nervous before and after it just seemed so easy. Another circumstance which was a date at the movies when we both fondled each other genitals. After any of these acts took place it made me realize that these are things which you do with someone who you care about and it should be special. I’ve also noticed as time progresses and you become more mature that you become more open with your partner. I am of the Jewish religion.
I am circumcised, went to Hebrew school, and have been bar mitzvahed. I do not feel that my religion has any impact upon my life. Even in the case of not having sex until I am married. I feel that when you are in love and that the time is right then that is the time to commit.
Religion has never really been a strong part of guidance through growing up. I can’t say that I’ve ever been in love because I have never really had a serious relationship for any duration of time to grow that close with somebody. I always worked a lot when I was younger running my own business, as I continue to do so today. Their have been certain instances where one things did not workout with myself and a girl Slackman 5 where it hurt a little bit.
Currently I have been with a girl for about a month and a half, but I will not tell her “I love you” because how well do I really know her. A qoute that a friend one told me that best pertains to this situation is “love can be compared to a tree”, meaning how the roots of a tree grow stronger through time, just as the roots of love grow stronger through time (quote from an old friend). I feel that my own personal sexuality is something that has accumulated through the years. This has kept going on and on to amount to my sexuality today.
I have never questioned my sexuality like others may have. Sexuality to me is something special given to us by g-d. I feel that my current sexuality today is a progression from my “personal history”. Each and every day I look in the mirror I am happy with what I see.
I feel that a quote in a recent article “all you need is fine tuning” best fits this situation (Chen 55). When it came time to write this paper I looked at these questions with hesitation and thought about them. I realized that I’ve never really given thought about my sexuality as a hole ever before. This really gave me the opportunity to put a lot of things together both from my past and present. Although I thought I would feel uncomfortable writing this paper because it dealt with many issues on an extremely personal issue, I have learned that everyone is unique and faces different experiences throughout life. In addition I have realized that each and every event that takes place throughout the course of ones life impacts the next event.
After writing this paper I realize how I have matured throughout the years and also have become a lot more knowledgeable about the issues of Slackman 6 sexuality both from education and personal experiences. I also feel more comfortable talking about this issue now than in previous years. Sexuality is one of the most important aspects in making a person who he or she truly is.
