I am more than what meets the eye. There is only a certain part of me that people observe and judge me by in my everyday life. Some people know me as the boy who rushes down to the Harmon Cove bus stop every morning half awake and half asleep juggling several items in my hands. In one hand I have my books that I ‘attempted’ to read for homework the previous night and my other hand is holding on to my Sony metallic cd player for my bus ride to school. My peers and acquaintances wait for my arrival on the yellow school bus expecting me to begin their day off by cracking few jokes and sharing stories of my wild weekends.
Only I wish they would know that not all my ‘wild’ weekends which I brag about are spent at raving clubs and parties, surprisingly most of them are really time spent home alone listening to music and helping my parents around the house. Also, I am a student who walks through the halls of Secaucus High School always teasing girls on my way to classes, promoting my style of Aerocrombie & Finch clothing and perfume, and many other tactics that some people find amusing and others find immature. One may hear my name traveling through the air prompting them to relate an encounter with me and sticking a label upon my character and personality.
I wish everyone would understand the Xavier that the world knows, is only a part of an image that people can see and the remainder of me is a mystery to for them to unveil. It may seem people have already discovered my personal ideas through predicting my next move, but there exists a private world of my own. I think I should admit few things about myself and accept them as a part of me. Common sense comes to me much easier than book smartness because I enjoy interacting with people and my environment, than sitting in a corner reading a book and making my mind visit the twilight zone.
Even my mother told me that I can cross the street safely, but if I have to read a map to get to my destination-forget about that. My teachers may think I am careless when it comes to my studies, but when it is time to become serious I do. Everyone has a certain subject they love to explore, and my love exists for the creative arts since childhood. Different kinds of music appeal to my senses and it has throughout time molded me into the person I am. The various ideas presented conveyed through lyrics of musicians have invited me into their world, though my brother tells me my butterfly girl Mariah Carey does not count in this category.
It is music that vanishes boredom, loneliness, anger, and somber periods for me. In addition, in my spare time I like to go raving at clubs and meet new people of my age group. It is exciting for me to visit foreign towns and observe life from many perspectives. I may portray a tough exterior by not reacting to sentimental ideas, but I am a person who feels the hurt of a friend or a family member and the joys of life. I do not think we are obligated to explain and show our personal feelings at every moment of time.
There is a time set aside for privacy in my world, which I do appreciate and try not to take for granted. No one may expect me to take a trip into the city and visit a church to do my confessions. Yes, I am human and I sin, but not in serious matters. So, okay I stole few french fries from this freshman’s lunch and took this girl’s lipstick to write down my homework. I think we still can perform our duties for the world, but we also should not forget to have some fun in life. My weekends may not balance out my school days, yet I still seek balance to enjoy and understand life through different eyes.
I am a person who is being molded into a person from my outside influences and my personal feelings. There are many goals and aspirations that reside inside myself that I will one day achieve and fulfill. Right now I am a senior in high school with time flying and seconds running out for making my future decisions. The answers are not lying in front of me, but at least I know the questions that will help me reach my destination. I am busy applying for college admissions and hoping I will be admitted into a business school so I can practice a similar trade like my father.
It was my father who introduced me to the business world and it has grown into one of my current interests. My mother doesn’t want time to pass soon, because both of us are aware that in a few months changes will take place as I become independent and move on to college. There are many challenges waiting there for me and there are many barriers that I will have to hurdle over. Well… Xavier has changed, is changing, and will remain changing in this journey of life. Life is unpredictable and I am one of those who get to experience it.
