I have been diagnosed with what is called a Bipolar Disorder Essay. For all of my life I have been moody, so I guess when my I had mood swings my parents chalked it up to being a teenager.
I always knew that it was more than just moodiness, but I had no idea what was wrong with me. When I am in a manic state I feel empowered and clever. In this phase, people find me very charismatic I also love myself and others and am very creative and productive. I also make unwise decisions during this phase like investing in one of my creative ideas which are not realistic.
My manic phases can also jump to irratbility and imparience with others, when I amin this stage of my manic phase all that I can see is that everyone is an idiot, and the world is against me. This is when my charisma wears off and I end up alienating people. Luckily, I have some friends and family that stick with me no matter what I do to hurt them. Eventually this manic stage wearsoff and I crash into a deep depression. I feel remorse and sadness for the harm that I have caused those around me. I spend alot of my depressed state apologizing to people for the harm I have inflicted on them.
I try to clean up my mess. I also can not sleep during this phase so I force myself to do the everyday things such as cleaning the house, showering, as well as reading books and doing anything I can to keep my mind occupied. If I am not busy during this time my mind fills with ideas of my suicide. I have written my final intructions and apologies so many times I cant even begin to count them. I know every method of suicide possible, its a wonder that i am still alive.
Fortunately one of my close firends found one of my suicide notes and told my family and close friends. They talked me into finding help I eventually checked myself into a psychiatric facility because I did not want to go to my home alone. After 4 hours of filling out insurance papers and talking to people I eventually saw a doctor at this point I panicked and ignored their advice. I had never checked myself into a facility like this because I was afraid if everyone saw how crazy I am I would never get out.
I have now realized that the facilities help and do not harm. The doctors put me on medications for a while to tes the waters. The firts was Lithum, a drug that naturally occurs it is a mood stabilizer which helps control my mood swings. They also suggested stronger drugs such as depakote, depacine, depakene and epilim these are all derivatives of a substance called valproic acids these are called anti convulsants they help me stay calm. The doctors have given me a self medication regien that will help me control my moods.
They had me change my eating habits. Rather then having my usual samll breakfast, medium lunch and large dinner they had me eat three meals of equal size and on a certain schedule. They said eating a larger meal later on in the day can make my bipolar disorder harder to treat. They also said it is imperative to have a set sleeping schedule.
Going to bed at the same time everyday and waking up at the same time. they say lack of sleep can trigger mania. Along with a set eating and sleeping schedule the doctors have me make a mood chart to help illistrate which medications are working. it is also important in helping me find my triggers such as stress, foods, people, etc.
I alo have had to learn how to manage my stress better. I needed to learn how to manage my stress better because it could trigger mania or depression. They also have me exercising. Mainly aerobics this helps me stay out of depression as well as ridding my body of extra manic energy.
I am also seeing a therapist who listens to me and helps me manage my disorder. .
