Category:MiscellaneousPaper Title:SurvivalText:SURVIVALDo you ever survive the effects of divorce? If you have experienced divorce,or knew someone that has, this is a question you will ask yourself.
Ron andLilly were married for fifteen years and during the course of their marriage hadthree children ages 8, 10 and 12. Ron worked as a private attorney in a solopractice and Lilly worked in the home as a homemaker. Although Lilly worked inthe home, she had a Bachelors degree in early childhood development. She hadalways wanted to work outside of the home, but she and Ron felt that it was moreimportant to care for the children full time. When her husband announced that hewas leaving, she wasn’t surprised that he didn’t care for her the same way hedid when they first met, but she never dreamed he would leave her and thechildren.
Ron packed his things the next day while the children were in school. Thechildren were not informed their parents were separating and one day woulddivorce. Lilly was left alone to deal with the emotional upheaval this wouldcause the children. When the children returned from school, they sensedimmediately something was wrong. They knew their parent’s were not getting alongand that their father was spending less time at home, however they never thoughtthis would happen.
When their mother told them that their father would not beliving at home and that nothing else in their life would change, the childrenlooked with disbelief. The children started to cry, and Lilly as best as shecould, tried to console them. The lives of this family would never be the same. Ron never discussed with Lilly how the finances would be handled, or how muchmoney she would need for her and the children to live on. Because Lilly neverworked outside of the home, Ron was now having to manage two homes on oneincome. The children attended private school and were in several after schoolprograms that were very costly.
The money Ron gave Lilly and the children, wasnot enough to pay the mortgage, utilities, car note, food, clothes and the dailyexpenses for the children. Ron and Lilly’s divorce caused severe financial and emotional instability oneveryone. Lilly and the children had to sell the home they lived in because theycould not afford the financial cost, or the upkeep that was needed to maintainthe home. Lilly and the children bought a much smaller home, in a not so greatneighborhood.
Because of the move and lack of finances, the children had toattend public school and make new friends. The oldest started talking back toher mother, grades started to fall and she started hanging out with kids thatdidn’t care if they went to school. The middle child started to isolate herselfand began to have nightmares about her parents dying. Surprisingly her gradesdidn’t suffer. The youngest child cried at the drop of a hat, she just wantedher dad and couldn’t understand why she didn’t get to see him that often.
Thethree children blamed their mother for everything and took all of theirmisplaced anger out on her. Because of Lilly’s financial dilemma, she was not able to afford she and thechildren counseling. Ron was becoming more and more delinquent in sendingalimony and child support for his family. Lilly was still trying to maintainbeing a stay at home mom although she realized the inevitable, she was notemotionally ready to go out in the work force. One and one half years after the divorce, Lilly was forced to become apart ofthe working class single moms of the world, Lilly got a job as a first gradeteacher.
This was an adjustmentfor the children, because they had depended on their mom for everything. Because Lilly was not able to be there for the children, Ron was forced to bemore responsible for the care of the children. Ron shared in the daily droppingoff and picking up the children. This also gave the children, the opportunity tospend extra time with their father, something that was missing in their life. Lilly and Ron began to work together with raising the children and the entirefamily started to receive counseling.
The children began to accept the twohouseholds as well as their parent’s significant others. Lilly and Ron havelearned to work together in rasing their family although it is not always easy. The breakdown of a family affects the entire family in many ways that is notnoticed, but develops over a period of time. Children many times go through lifebelieving that there was something they did to cause the break up of theirparents, and always hope that their parents will get back together. Ron’schildren felt neglected by him, unloved as well as feeling guilty about thereparent’s breakup. Because Lilly’s was not given an opportunity to work on theirproblems and improve communication, her self-esteem went completely down.
Ronfelt bad, but was feeling very relieved that he made the decision to leave. Divorce can be liberating, depressing, frustrating, or traumatic to any personwho experiences it. Perhaps the most painful part on the process of divorce iswhen the children are involved and when they are made to choose sides. Ron andLilly minimized the trauma in their children’s life’s, by agreeing on where thechildren would live. Although the children experienced changes and went throughperiods of fear of not knowing what was going to happen.
Today the childrenappear to be functioning very well and are doing well in school. If parentscan’t be caring, loving and respectful of each other, then they shouldn’t staytogether. Children learn from their parent’s, how relationships should be conducted andwill handle their relationships as they see their parents. Since Ron and Lilly’sdivorce, their communication is better now then it was when they were married.
The children witness their parent’s genuine concern for each another and mostimportantly for them. Ron, Lilly and the children appear to have taken the stepsfor survival during the process of the divorce, but as issues arise it isimportant that they are dealt with. It is important to think of the children when divorce takes place. Financesshould be resolved and if a parent should have to experience the lack offinances, it should not be the parent that has the children.
If a child’seconomic needs are being met, this may minimize the stress they experience whenone parent is absent. The important thing is not to change the child’sstability, and lack of finances will cause an immediate change. Parents whethermarried or divorce, have a responsibility to secure a child’s future, byproviding them with the emotional and economic support that is needed for themto become productive individuals of society. Children that come from divorceparents can be just as well rounded as children that come from married parents. This family appears to have adjusted to the change that was brought on by thedivorce.
As long as the parent’s continue to work together, and do what is inthe best interest of the children, they will continue to survive. The girls arenow teenager’s and their father has a close relationship with them. Contact withtheir father is very important at this age, because girls have a tendency toseek negative attention from boy’s. This is usually because they are trying tofill the emptiness from the lack of relationship with their father. I don’t seethis happening, at least not for their father’s lack of attention. If there arelong term problems that do not surface now, and if it surfaces, it will do sowhen the children become adults.
Hopefully, because of the manner in which theparents have handle the last five years, the children will be equipped to dealwith the problems through counseling.Miscellaneous
