“It’s not what’s on the outside that matters, it’s what’s on the inside,” is something I would hear a lot from my mother growing up. I wasn’t the prettiest duckling in the nest; my legs were lanky and I looked like one of those anorexic children on TV, I also had a birthmark on my lip which brought about the nickname “burn lip. ” As I grew older my legs only grew longer and my “melon” which I called my head was excessive. Puberty took its toll and I was starting to get acne and my chest was starting to develop.
I was becoming a young woman so my mother told me it was time to learn more about my body and the beauty within me. During childhood, my family and I were very religious and would get together on Friday nights for something we called devotion. In devotion we did many things and it would last up to two hours, including telling each other secrets. We sang songs from the hymnal and read a verse of choice from the Bible. We would each pray out loud to hear what we were thankful for and we would talk about what went on in our day.
We would also learn lessons such as “the Golden Rule” and other principled values in life. Since I wasn’t the only child, devotion didn’t go without a little bit of “monkey business” so my mom called it. These types of monkey businesses ranged from giggling when we were praying to tapping each other when our eyes were supposed to be closed. We went from sitting still to pinching wars when mother wasn’t looking. Because we were monkeying around my mom decided to tell us a story. It was either listen to the story or go to bed, and as an eleven year old going to bed early was not the option.
Mother said “pay close attention to this story girls you don’t want to miss it. Being a young woman with hair looking like a bird’s nest and legs longer than a giraffes’ neck, this story was more than a story it was my holy grail. Here’s how the story went: Agley was not the most appealing girl in town. She was gangly like I was, her hair wasn’t straight and it had a funny smell to it. The kids would change the A in her name to the letter U so her name would be “Ugley”. Everybody figured she would never get chosen by anyone to be married.
Bright and early one day, a man named Jerome came along and set his eyes on Agley who he saw as a gorgeous woman. Back in the day the men had to offer a gift to prove his worthiness and to receive the blessing from the parents. He gave Agley’s father moldy bread and funky cheese. Everyone in town was jealous because nobody ever offered fancy cheese and bread for an unsightly girl. After a few years, Agley’s father went to visit her and was astounded by how she looked. Her hair was smooth and smelled elegant, she was wearing nice clothing. He noticed that she had a lot of confidence and poise.
Jerome told the father that she was always beautiful; she just had to believe that she was. At the end of the story my mom said, “So you see girls, every moldy bread has its own funky cheese”. My older sisters laughed but, at my young age I didn’t understand what it meant and I laughed anyways because I didn’t want to feel left out. A couple years later when I started reminiscing about the story my mom had told me that night; I apprehended the importance of what she was trying to teach me. Growing older I started to notice the little things that made me feel unattractive.
The pimples on my face spread like wildfire and hair grew on my legs uncontrollably. I turned seventeen in my senior year of high school still without a boyfriend. I never considered myself ugly until that very same day. I found out what my mom was trying to tell me at the age of eleven. I still remember that bittersweet day. It was a regular Tuesday morning, the sun, just about to wake up from a long nap. I was getting ready for school switching outfits by the minute, a routine I did for four years now. The sky was bright and clear, there was nothing that could make today a bad day.
The kids at school smelled like different perfumes and colognes all blending together to create a toxic waste zone. I then noticed an unattractive girl who was alone at the time and I felt bad for her because I know she would never get a boyfriend but I was wrong. Along came her prince who picked her up and carry her off into the sunset and boy was I astonished. I was upset because I didn’t have a boyfriend and I was decent looking. I started to wonder if I was a big troll terrorizing the students at school. When I went home I asked my mom if I was ugly.
Her response was more than I expected. My mother said, “Never say you’re not beautiful, God made you in his own image”. She told me not to worry about a boyfriend and try not to grow up so quickly because I was still young and reminded me of the story in which every moldy bread has its own funky cheese. She said, “darling don’t you worry you’ll find you the best moldy bread someday because you are unique”. It was that day that I felt the love for myself and saw the love in my mother’s eyes. I am a funky cheese, a beautiful, one of a kind woman.
