My philosophy on marriage is that it’s a relationship between two people that are in love with each other and want to spend a lifetime together building a family. They would do anything for each other and always have each other’s back. In a marriage I value the love and relationship the two people have between each other because that is what a marriage is based on and built from. I don’t believe in the traditional marriage where the wife sits at home and does house work all day and takes care of the children while husband works all day.
My marriage style is definitely an egalitarian marriage style; I grew up in a household where my parents do everything equally, they both work, clean, do yard work, and parent the same. My parents are my biggest role models on what a perfect happy marriage is supposed to be like. A marriage contract is very important to write and go over with your partner. The purpose for this contract is to figure out what I want in my marriage when that time comes and what I value and expect to be in my marriage, as well as my partners.
Relationships and individuals change which means I would need to re-evaluate this contract every few years during my marriage and talk it over with my spouse. I also don’t know when I’m going to get married so I would need to re-evaluate my contract, as I get older and mature as things change. I want to be a respiratory therapist so for my career I would need to find a job at a hospital and it doesn’t matter to me what my husband does for a living as long as he is making an income. I would preferably find a job in Dallas since that’s where I’m from and that’s where I would want my husbands job to be as well.
In my family both my parents worked, but there was also a point in time where my mom didn’t work and just my dad worked. I would like for both my husband and I to work but if there was a reason as to why one of us couldn’t work that would be ok too. I would like for both of us to work though so we can equally bring in an income and support each other and our family. I understand that some jobs require and need night meetings and overnight travel because my dad did that for his job.
As long as I can trust my husband and he can trust me then I don’t mind him or I having night meetings or overnight business travel because I value that you need that for a job sometimes. If my husband got a promotion or a job offer and needed to move to another location then I would go with them because that’s the point of a marriage, you stand by their side through anything and everything. When I get married to my husband I still want us both to have our friends strictly involved because I think friends are in important part of a relationship.
Handling vacations and holidays with friends should be equally done with my husband and I, and friends should and can be invited to both if wanted to or necessary. I don’t think having opposite sex friends in a marriage is a bad thing, I understand that everyone has opposite sex friends because I have a lot of really good friends that are of the opposite sex as long as it doesn’t get out of hand or they become to close. Social gatherings are important to me because I like to keep in touch with my friends and hanging out with my friends as well as my spouses’ friends, so they are always welcome as well as nights out with the boys/girls.
I don’t feel that there is any need for my husband and I to be together just us all the time, its always nice to have a night out with his boys or my girls because we have enough trust in each other to do that and I feel its important to do that every once in awhile. Religion is a big deal to me and I am a Christian but growing up I didn’t go to church much it was never a big deal to my family to go to church. If going to church is really important to my husband and he thinks it’s important as a family to go then we will attend church every Sunday.
Adjusting to a partner with a different philosophy on religion would be hard to do but if I love my husband that much then I would do whatever it would take. My children will definitely have a religion apart of their lives but I wont make it a huge deal and force it upon them like some parents do. Recreation and leisure time is important to me in a marriage because I like certain things as leisure time and so will my husband, and we also might like the same things. For my leisure time I like being outdoors, shopping, and spending time and getting drinks with my friends.
In my marriage I would want us to trust in each other to do things with friends separately but also like doing things together. At the end of the day my husband will be the number one person I love doing stuff with and spending my time with. When I get married there isn’t going to be any of “his” or “her” money, it’s both of our money like putting it in a common pot. It all depends on who would assume the responsibility for financial by who makes the most money. In my family my whole life my dad has assumed major responsibility so naturally in my marriage I would like to have my husband assume major responsibility.
I’ve always been used to using credit and debit cards, I feel like it’s easier to maintain and keep with how much money have. But it also doesn’t hurt to always have a little cash on you in case of emergencies or if someone doesn’t take credit cards. For savings I would contribute to my employers 401K plan and also try to save some money from every paycheck that I get and put in a savings account and make a retirement plan for both my husband and I. With household chores both my husband and I will be responsible with cleaning and doing stuff around the house.
I grew up with three older brothers and a dad and they were always the ones to take out the trash, so in my marriage I would want my husband to take out the trash every time it needed it. When it comes to cooking, doing the dishes, sweeping vacuuming, mopping, and cleaning bathrooms and other stuff, that would be both my husband and I’s job and dividing it equally between each other. Deciding on who does what around the house is mostly we talking about it and what household chore suits either one of us the best. When I get older I will definitely want kids.
The age period I would want kids is probably around the age of 25 or 26 and I would want two or four kids. My parents had four kids and I had three older brothers with me being the only girl. I think its very important to have siblings because then they will always have someone to play with or be around and they will learn a lot from having siblings. If I had two kids I would want the boy first and then the girl and if I had four kids I would want the boy first and then the girls so the girls would always feel protected like I have my whole life.
My spouse would definitely have to want to parent because that is something I would talk to about before getting married to my partner. When it comes to day care for my children I would want a day care at a house with someone one on one when they’re infant to 3 years of age so they can have a comforting feel. When they reach 4 and 5 years old I would want them in a real day care that acts like a school to get them ready for kindergarten. The way a person parents their child effects the child long term, so when I parent my child I would have a authoritative parenting style.
I want to comfort my kids and love them as much as possible and also monitor them and teach them the right and wrong things to do. I would want my husband to have the same parenting method as I do and love and monitor our children the same way as I do. There is some methods of discipline where I think some parents are to harsh with punishing their kids for the littlest things like making a B in a class or being too strict on their children. Kids need their free time and space just like every other person does but to a point where it doesn’t get them in trouble.
Figuring out where a couple is supposed to settle down and live in their relationship is a very important topic and could make or break the relationship. If at the beginning of my marriage we cant afford a house and have to wait awhile before we can get a house we would most likely live in an apartment. But I would definitely want to live in a house during my whole marriage and have a great place to raise my children and build my family in. I have a countryside to me because my family has had a deer lease my whole life but I grew up in the city so I would love to live in the city, but also maybe have a second house in the country to get away.
I never moved houses when I was growing up and the thought of moving houses and moving cities from my friends and the memories I made there would be devastating. Even though I never went through that I would never want that for my kids so I object to frequent moves. Sex in a marriage is something that is very important to both the husband and the wife and shows how much y’all care about each other. In my marriage I would not want or be ok with my husband sleeping with other women or us being swingers. Sex with my husband is a special thing and something that we share between each other.
Being sexually compatible in a marriage is very important, it’s not just about the sex but about the closeness it brings to the relationship and the love between my husband and I and I don’t want him sharing that with anyone else but me. I would definitely want pets in my family and marriage because I think they are very important and bring the family closer together and also brings comfort and warmth to the family. I grew up with many pets in my family and I always loved having them around me so in my marriage I would want many pets to be around me, my husband, and my children.
I’ve always had inside and outside pets so it doesn’t matter to me if they are outside or inside but I want both cats and dogs living with my family. I’ve had inside and outside cats and also inside and outside dogs from big to small, as long as my husband wants pets then I’m okay with anything. In-laws are a major part of a marriage, if I don’t get along with my in-laws or my husband doesn’t get along with my family or parents, then the marriage wont be successful.
I would never want to live with my parents or my in-laws when I’m married because I want my own house with my own family, but if my parents or in-laws were sick and couldn’t take care of themselves they could live with me and my husband. Holidays are important to invite the in-laws and also join the families together and celebrate Christmas and thanksgiving as a whole, with siblings, families, in-laws, and spouses. Vacations with in-laws and my parents are okay every once in awhile to spend time with each other but a majority of vacations should be with my husband and my family.
If I was on life support and there was no hope for me to live or breathe on my own I would want my husband to take me off life support. Same thing as if there was even a chance I could live but would a vegetable the rest of my life and couldn’t do things on my own I would still want my husband to take my off life support. I would talk to my husband about this and tell him what I would want done and he would tell me what he would want if it happened to him. If my family or parents thought other wise and didn’t wait it to happen I would make it my husbands decision based on what I told him.
Through out writing this paper I learned a lot about myself and what I expect and value during my marriage. When I have long-term relationships I will show my partner this contract and go over it with him. Of course some changes can be made and will be made to make a marriage work and be happy with the person I love. I want my husband to have similar attitudes, expectations, and values towards things as I do. I want my marriage to be like my parent’s marriage, equal expectations, full of love, happy and the same parenting style.
