The Realization of My Thanks
I had previously lived a life of chaos and hurt, with self-esteem no higher than dirt. I never knew what it was like to be put first. I was used to being confused and scared, finding nothing but the gallows of despair. I was always neglected, always feeling like I didn’t belong or even accepted, waiting for the next time to just be rejected. I couldn’t help the feelings I had, mixed emotions of feeling mad and sad. I couldn’t help that I was treated bad, and that’s what made me so apprehensive. I was running from my feelings inside, trying to scurry to get away, trying to hide. I had no other options until that day when I was thankfully put up for adoption.
I’m sorry to say, because of my past, when I first arrived, I made it clear very fast that I wasn’t going to make it easy. I didn’t make it easy for my new family, I’m sure, for they hadn’t experienced anything like me before, making them second-guess about letting me stay. I was always fiercely pushing them away, fighting and struggling to keep them at bay, unintentional, of course. I honestly never meant any harm, and I finally realize and see how I always held out my arms, trying to protect myself from foreshadowed pain that wasn’t even there, pain I hallucinated in my brain.
But now, a pain of constant remorse seems to find a way to seep from my pores and torments me with a piercing ring of Satan’s roar. Yet through everything, my parents seemed to understand, doing their best to keep me safe and warm, always offering a helping hand, winning the battle I set forth in silent demand.
These are the reasons why I’d like to pause from my selfish agenda and take this dwindling time to forget about mine or anyone’s criteria, to let the two people I love the absolute most know how truly grateful I am that they came for me and left the safe coast. I will thank them until the day I die and do the same for the future children of mine.
I want to strip my outer peel and apologize for the bad things I’ve done that I thought were no big deal, for when I challenged the reasons of staying safe beneath your wings. Through all these years of my life, my parents have made sure they were inevitably there, making sure I wouldn’t be cut on that infamous knife. They’ve been there when I’ve fallen hard when I thought there was no way to get up.
When I was hurt, lonely, scared, and jarred, when I didn’t want to move, give up, and abort, then out of nowhere, when I was left to rot, they came to my aid with encouragement and support, doing what they could without a second thought. They brought me home safe to their fort, whether it was me or them at our best or worst. They did anything and everything for me to make me feel like I was number one and put me first.
On rainy days and sunny days, whether it was the cold of December or the warmth of May, they never left my side, teaching me the rules to live by and abide. Always there to protect and defend me, somehow always showing me the light, showing me the battles to avoid or fight. Even if I was right or wrong, they would give me the chance to tell them how I thought it should be, and sometimes, when they didn’t agree, they did their best, as long as no harm was foreseen, to leave it up to me and let myself see.
My parents helped me comprehend what the meaning of family truly is. They found a way to reach me and show me that I am worth more than sand, something I’ve struggled with, something I’ve always missed. I now know my importance in this life, what it’s like to finally be put first, to feel love’s warmth instead of the harshness of ice. And now I know how it feels to be genuinely cared for, to feel alive, to have finally quenched my thirst, to unlock the chains on my heart’s steel door. I now have no doubts from now through forevermore.
They always seemed to know the outcome of my actions, and even if there were going to be wretched consequences, there was one thing I’d be sure of when I got their reaction: they were always willing to trust and forgive, just one more time, always giving me a hopeful second chance, a second time to relearn the dance of the things I’ve done to take advantage of this. I’m sorry and wish it was fixable with simple kisses, but I can only try to make up for my past misses.
My parents have stuck beside me through the thick and the thin, never allowing any of us to throw in the towel. This is what I’ve learned from being part of a family: you never give up even in the worst of times, you simply try to settle it calmly, you stick together through life’s twists and turns, staying side by side day or night, even if the heat is so hot it burns, staying connected by love and love’s fight.
I love you Mom and Dad with all my heart, and I’ve been working on this piece for a while. I miss you both very much and want to talk to you tomorrow. I love you guys. Sorry, I didn’t call tonight, I wanted to get some things settled before we talked, but I am thinking about you both.”
Words/Pages: 849/24.
