My first semester of my senior year is the first time in my life I have experienced a high degree of failure. By no means am I making excuses for my shortcomings, rather this essay is an examination of a point in my life in which I did not produce the results I set out to achieve. My failure to recognize my own physical, mental, and emotional limits leaves me in the gutters of my psyche. The belief that I am “invincible” is a lie, and my failure to understand that I too have a breaking point must be recognized so I may keep moving forward.
There are 24 hours in one day, and there is still enough time for me to do anything I NEED to do. As an elite ice hockey player in Southern California and diligent student my schedule is loaded from 5 A. M. to 1 A. M. every day. Every morning, I wake up at 5 A. M. , go to school for zero period and then leave after sixth to get home around 5P. M. From then until 6 P. M. I must complete all my homework, eat some dinner, and study for exams before I leave for hockey practice 45 minutes away.
Hockey practice consists of flexibility training, heavy lifting, and a two hour ice slot lasting from 7P. M to 12A. M. It is not until 12:30 that my day is over and I may go to sleep. Repeat Monday through Friday. Welcome to my never ending hell, the hell I created for myself because of my inability to recognize my limit. On top of my daily schedule, my monthly schedule includes at one, 5 day trip out of state to participate in a hockey tournament. Each trip I go on, I miss 3 to 4 school days.
From August to December that is 20 days of school (out of 90 in the semester) missed just from hockey. How did I believe that I could keep up with such a rigorous schedule and compete at the highest ice hockey level in the nation? People ask me: Do you sleep, do you do homework, do you eat, do you ever hang out with friends? If I were to stay up and finish all my homework, when would I sleep? I get less than 20 hours of sleep during the week, should I cut out more sleep. Well I tried that, and both weeks I tested that hypothesis, I got sick.
I firmly believe that my Calculus and Psychology grades would have been much higher if I had taken those classes later in the day when I am more alert. What if I just quit hockey? Cannot do that either, my parents won’t let me and we billet a teammate from the Czech Republic so he wouldn’t have anywhere to go. There is no escape from this vicious cycle. All my life, I have faced adversity. I have been knocked to the ground but I have always managed to find my way back on my feet. This case of adversity wasn’t like a punch, it was like being hit by a train. I am truly scared for the first time in my life.
Did I do enough? I can honestly say that with my schedule and amount of sleep I had, I did everything that was physically possible to accomplish my goals. I have learned that the best way to combat this instance of failure is to recognize that I can’t do it all, I am human. I need to be respect my limits and work hard in everything I do. I can’t stop! I will never quit! I hope that I am given an opportunity at University of Colorado-Boulder to showcase my strengths in math and science so that I may apply what I have recently learned about myself at the institute.
