In the beginning everything was going just fine. I was living my life like any other person would and little struggles every now and then but nothing super significant. Never having anything super impactful in my life left me feeling useless compared to others. Inviting friends to share their problems with me was regular but along with it came no answer. I knew their problem, but had no clue how to fix it.
I would think to myself, “Maybe if I just grew into these immoral things I could decisively give an answer on how to get out of them”. Granting this was a normal thought of mine I never acted on it, just kept it inside, hoping one day, I could acquire a better answer. With conflicting ideas in my head people still came to me with problems.
An example of one of these instances is a friend I hold near and dear to me whose name is Claire. She came to me about how she has had an abusive relationship with their boyfriend. I myself have never had anyone necessarily abuse me in a relationship before so I just did what I considered was the best action. “If I were you, I would just block him if he keeps messaging you like this, it’s the easier way” I suggested.
Claire then proclaimed to me, “Hunter, I wish it was just that easy. He is a big part of my life. He has no friends or family so he needs me. If I were to leave him, he would be so lonely and I don’t want that for him”.
“Yet you are in the same state as he would be, very hurt and constantly in a terrible place.” “You’re not hearing me out” she screams. “Even if I did block him I would still see him all the time as he is very close with my own parents.”
Hearing these words actually hit me hard. Not being able to sympathize with someone I value enormously crushes me. I was unsure what to say. I did think it would be easiest to ignore him, but I suppose not. It came down to me simply not being able to understand as always. Claire was always one to be on the opposite end of the spectrum when it came to views. Even if what I said was the right way, Claire would, under no circumstances, go along with it.
Being lost in these thoughts I had realized that anything I say will never be taken into account. I have no clue what they are going through so why should I be the one to give advice. This happens with not just Claire, but nearly everyone and it is an extremely miserable time for me each time I reflect on it.
The new plan was to just stay out of everything I could. If I wasn’t able to help then why be in the situation. One day I went to my church to hang out with a group of older friends who knew much more than me, but still around my age. I figured it would not be best for me to just exclude myself from all of my friend’s problems so I went to ask their opinion.
We all sat down in the coffee shop we have, nevertheless I was the one to bring it up. The two leader’s names are Isaiah and Monica and I’ve known them most of my life. “So I have a question for the two of you. Say you have a friend who you want to help, but have no idea how to because you have no clue what it’s like?”
Isaiah is the first one to speak up, “You see Hunter, and there isn’t much you can do but really just being there for them.” Right as Isaiah was about to add something else to the conversation Monica butted in explaining “Well first Isaiah you’re wrong, you don’t just have to sit there and do nothing.”
I had no clue what could possibly be a better answer than what Isaiah gave, but Monica spoke some words that forever changed me and gave me a new perspective. She went on to softly proclaim “Instead of thinking you just need to sit there and watch your friend suffer, maybe you could just be an example. You may not be able to explain that what you are doing is right, but you could possibly show instead.”
Little did Monica know she just saved me from what could have been many terrible friendships. The lesson I had learned was that I just needed to set an example and that’s exactly what I had done. People will question what good setting an example will do, but there are plenty out there, moreover many of those people play immense parts in history. One of these great people would be Abraham Lincoln, who never had experience with being a slave, still made a tremendous impact by fighting for what he believed to be right.
His example was wanting slavery to be done away with while in little contrast I myself want to “abolish” these terrible times my friends go through. So no longer was I just going to watch my friends go through all their struggles alone. Naturally I’d be there for them, but along with that I would show them how what I do works out for me. Even though I might be one in millions to live the life I do, I can still help others in ways I had never expected.
