Things get bad before they can get any better. I can say I’m not the only one who has ever gone through a disappointment or something that has put you through shame. Nothing in this life is perfect and it will never be. You’ve got to move on and always know better things will come your way. I’m the type of person to always keep my emotions to myself and act like there is absolutely nothing wrong. It’s not a bad thing but sometimes it’s good to talk about your problems with someone and let go. One of my biggest fears is trusting people.
The reason is that I’ve been let down way to many times and it is very difficult to trust anyone now a day. I can honestly say that the cause for all of this was my last relationship. A relationship should be nothing but good. Of course you’ll have bad times every once in a while but you learn to work it through and make it better. My expectation for a relationship is keeping each other happy. Respect, trust, honesty and love are what keep a relationship going. I haven’t been in a lot of relationships, because I’ve usually been in a long term relationship.
It all started at age 17, my senior year, I met now my ex-boyfriend. As a normal relationship, everything started so peachy and it seemed like it was finally all right. Little arguments, but they wouldn’t phase us. Seemed like happiness didn’t last because I found out he had been cheating. I was all about respect and I knew how to let go, so I ended the relationship. He, of course, went on and did his own thing while I continued my life & finish high school. By summer time, he came back wanting a second chance. He said he’d change because he wanted to prove the love we had was worth it.
I had thought about it for a while until I decided why not, maybe time apart could make us a little stronger and appreciate what we had. It had already been a year that we knew each other, so getting back together was pretty easy. That second chance was probably the best we ever had. We seriously spent every single day together, and learning new things while getting used to each other. I knew I had fallen in love with him after everything we had gone through. As time passed, it seemed like the past was coming back all over again. That’s the biggest issue a relationship can have, not being able to let go of the past.
It’ll bring you down and it will tear your relationship apart. We decided to go our separate ways, but knowing our love would always be alive. For two straight years our relationship was like a roller coaster, ups and downs, on and offs. We would be together for two months then break up for three months. Even though we were broken up, we always had communication between us and that was one thing that didn’t help us move on. By the third year we finally decided we had to be together. I met all of his family and he met mine. Everything seemed to be going just right. I saw my future with him.
Months passed and it was still going perfect, but it didn’t last. This is where it all went downhill for me. I got a call from him crying, telling me he found out he had a kid. He was in shock and so was I. I just couldn’t respond to that. While we were on and off, he had also been with other girls. It was acceptable because we weren’t together but to me it wasn’t because we always knew we loved each other and we always came back to one another. It was disrespectful to me because I never did a single thing to him. As you know in this little town every one runs their mouth and by the next day, everyone knew about it.
Hearing everyone talk about it broke my heart and people talking about me and feeling sorry for me was worse. I was ashamed. I never thought I would’ve gone through a situation like this. In a blink of an eye I felt like I had lost everything and I couldn’t help but ask myself why. He was supposed to be mine. I just didn’t know how to share him with someone I couldn’t compete, his own child. I knew I loved him when I just couldn’t let go of “us. ” I stayed around knowing he had a child with someone else and I tried to help him with as much as I could. Unfortunately, as time went on, he changed into a completely different person.
He distanced himself from me and he wouldn’t even see his child. He started going his own way, going out partying and not returning my calls or texts. That time around, I can truly say I was the weakest person on earth. I would beg him to stay with me but he didn’t care. He would call whenever he felt like it and like the dumb girl I was I was always there to him hear out and to take him back. Every time we would stop talking, I always had in my mind that we would get back because in the past we always would. And yes, he came back, like always just another try, but as soon as the weekend came he was gone.
Not a single text and there I was crying, not knowing what had gone wrong. The exact same routine went on for about four weeks straight. He would leave, but somehow he would always comeback and every time he would leave I would blame myself for not being perfect. I would always tell him if he didn’t love me and if he just wanted to move on, to say it and it would be done, but all I would get was silence. I never got an answer from him. Yet till this day I never knew what went wrong and that’s what hurt the most, not knowing. I started seeing myself as the problem, when clearly it was him.
I finally told myself, “everything will be fine, just let go. ” Nothing else I could do but to stay positive. Same as always he tried coming back into my life, but this time I was done, I knew I was. I decided to block him from the social networks I had him & I changed my number to have no contact with him what so ever. This relationship changed me and till this day I still have people talking about him to me, which is kind of difficult. Little by little I’m getting stronger and not let anything get the best of me. I just smile and move one. It’s going to be difficult for me to start a new relationship but I will one day.
For now all I do is enjoy life and try to better myself at everything. I’m pretty young to have experienced a lot of downs in my life and a failed love, but I’m a pretty strong person to get up everyday day and know everything will be okay. God gives you things in life that will make you suffer but you learn from it and move forward. My feet just keep on moving and I know the truth is nobody gets through life without losing someone they love, someone they need, something they thought was meant to be. You’ve got to have faith. Life doesn’t end but continue and open new doors for you.
