For days I have been debating whether or not to write you this letter. I have yet to recall any other situation in which I have encountered such a confused state of mind. This predicament so to speak is most bewildering. You should remember, Bento, what seems like eternity ago when we were children, I always knew the right time and place for everything, and I was a master at impromptu acting. Perhaps my flair for decisiveness only ever worked when dealing with other people. All my wits seem to run dry and my charm is never up to par when I am dealing with you, Bento. You truly are my vice.
Surprisingly, I am writing this letter on the windowsill while peering out onto the open streets of Switzerland. You never really did take any liking into my standing by the window, and I have always made a mental note not to do so. However, the mere act of doing so immediately sends currents up and down my spine. I really do miss you so Bento, please come and visit me sometime. I become increasingly lonely and longing for your companionship as the years go by.
Please do not accuse me of being oversensitive, but is it only a product of my imagination that you have been avoiding me of late? It has been a year, five months and thirteen days since I have seen your face, but your letters have become increasingly curt and dry. I understand that a career as a lawyer must have its times when one cannot be everywhere and everyone at once. Therefore I have taken upon myself to give you free passes and occasions where I readily accept one-word answers and lack of depth in letters. However,
your latest letters have been most brief, and my excuse for you being an important and busy man is losing its effect on me.
I do hope it is not still the issue with Escobar that is troubling you after all this time. Dear Bento, you are simply being childish whenever you openly or fleetingly accuse me of unfaithfulness! The very thought of going behind your back to be with anyone else but you revolts me, I beg of you to keep that in mind dear, for I love you and you only, not just for being the father of my child, but for being my lifelong companion and loving angel…
Oh how I miss you so! The other day while I was walking down the road, I happened to notice a man not similar in countenance to you, but was one who carried an air very similar to yours when he walked. Do forgive me as I confess I watched the man walk on until he was lost in the distance. Heaven forbid that you might think me unfaithful! I swear that I only looked at him while picturing you in his place, the face that I have not seen in years, but shall always be etched into my heart. One thing I wish you would never forget is that I do truly love you Bento. Always have, always will. I have loved you ever since we were children: the day I scratched “Bento + Capitolina” onto the wall, the first time you combed my hair, and the first time we kissed… Nor shall I seize loving you Bento, my angel, my loving husband and doting companion of many years. Can’t we put our differences aside and end this separation? I feel as if it is not only tearing apart my heart, but our marriage as well.
Our little boy Ezequiel asks of you all the time. He runs home from school everyday hoping to find his beloved father in the study. It breaks my heart whenever I see him coming to me, crestfallen, and anxious for your return. Bento, I cannot find more excuses to postpone your visit, and you should have no reason not to come, if even it is only for the boy’s sake. You will see, he has grown into a handsome young fellow. I have enclosed a sketch that I did in my free time, and I do hope it is a good resemblance. The other day he said the most intelligent thing! I also promised that he will be the one to tell his father when he gets here, as he also thinks it is an ample demonstration of his intellect. I’m sure he’ll grow up to be just as knowing and eloquent as his father.
Bento, I implore you to come see me. I have heard you have already made a trip, but why haven’t I seen you’surely you aren’t ignoring me on purpose? Bento, please. I do hope we can reconcile and put our differences aside…
