THE LABOURS OF MENDEVOLINACT I SCENE I(HIGH PRIEST on stage right. Enter MENDEVOLIN stage left. HIGH PRIESTcrosses to centre stage to meet MENDEVOLIN there. )MENDEVOLIN: High Priest Marchand!HIGH PRIEST: Ahh Mendevolin, it is such a pleasure to see you again.
MENDEVOLIN: Let’s disperse with the pleasantries. Take me to my father. HIGH PRIEST: There are things you must know Mendevolin. Your father has not beenwell. He has been slowly passing away for the last few months.
This is why we have sentfor you. MENDEVOLIN: He hinted at that in his letter. I came as soon as I could. How long dowe have?HIGH PRIEST: Not long, he’s on his death bed. I’ve been using my healing powers tokeep him alive for the last week and a half.
We have been waiting for your arrival. MENDEVOLIN: Why didn’t he say anything before I left?HIGH PRIEST: He’s a proud man, it took him months to even ask for my assistance. I’msure that he wouldn’t want his only son to have felt obligated to care for him. He respectsyou a great deal and is proud to see you out working magic as he once did. MENDEVOLIN: As much work as it may have been, it wouldn’t have seemed a burden,because it would have been spent with my father. Now it’s too late.
Please take me tohim now so that I might spend these last few moments of his life with him. HIGH PRIEST: Come with me. He’s resting in the basement of the church, you’ll have tomake it quick, he doesn’t have much longer. (HIGH PRIEST and MENDEVOLIN exit stage right. )ACT I SCENE II(MENDEVOLIN’S father lies on bed center stage. MENDEVOLIN enters stage left andapproaches his father.
)MENDEVOLIN: I came as soon as I heard. I’m sorry it took so—–FATHER: Don’t worry, what’s important is that you’re here now. I have some news thatis going to shock you. It concerns your lineage and a burden which has been placed uponthis family. In regards to your lineage, I should tell you that.
. . . ahhhhh. .
. . . oh yes,lineageYour great-great-great. .
. . well he was a great guy. A thousand years ago, an elven mageof whom you are a descendant, cast—-MENDEVOLIN: What!!!!???? We’re of elven descent, why did you never tell me? In54 years, I would’ve thought that you could’ve mentioned it once!FATHER: (Coughs) . .
. . . . quiet, do you want to hear this or not? (silence) OK, good. AsI was saying.
. . . .
what was I saying. . . .
. oh yes. Elven ancestry. . .
. . . an elven member of ourfamily gathered together a contingent of powerful mages from across the land nearly athousand years ago in an effort to repress the ultimate evil which threatened to sweepover the land.
That terrible beast known as Terresquay once rampaged across the land,but with the help of his fellow mages, Thraltes of the Brook. . . . did I mention he’s anancestor of ours?MENDEVOLIN: Yes you did, please. .
. . . ?FATHER: Right, right.
Well, Thraltes of the Brook and his band of mages collaboratedon what has proven to be the most powerful spell cast in millenia. Using the wax from theContusion bees—–MENDEVOLIN: Contusion Bees!?FATHER: Yes, I didn’t tell you about those either?MENDEVOLIN: No, no you didn’t. FATHER: Well then. .
. . the Contusion bees are located on the Contusion Islands, their waxwas used to create the candle—–MENDEVOLIN: Father, it would help if I had some specifics. (father coughs) tell memore about the Contusion bees.
How big are they, why is their wax so special and whereare the Contusion IslandsFATHER: All in good time my son. As I was saying before I was so rudelyinterrupted. . . . .
(pause) the wax of the Contusion bees was used in making the candlewhich serves as the focal point for the spell which has forced Terresquay from our realm. The legendary Contusion bees were selected as the source for the wax due to its incrediblelongevity. Once you have gathered the wax, forge a candle from it, take it to the diamondmountain range and place it on the pedestal between the twin volcanoes. The contusionbees are incredibly small, but don’t doubt their deadliness for a second.
They produce waxonly once every 1000 years and the time for gathering the wax is at hand. I was hoping todo it myself, but (coughing fit). . . .
. look in the chest (gestures towards chest at head of bed)take what is in there, it will help you in your journey. You must also find Leon ofSylvanus, his companion Spruce and Pardudious. MENDEVOLIN: (looking up from the chest holding the flyswatters) Who are thosepeople and what are these. .
. . . thingies? (pause) Father? (pause, checks for life signs, findingnone bows his head in solemnity closes his father’s eyes and turns to leave)(exit stage left)ACT I SCENE IIINARRATOR: After leaving his father’s side and notifying the High Priest of his father’spassing, Mendevolin set forth in search of the adventurers his father had spoken of. Hisfirst stop, The Tavern, because everyone knows that all good adventurers eventually go toThe Tavern. (enter LEON and SPRUCE stage right, sit at table downstage right-center, they adlibconversation until the entrance of MENDEVOLIN stage right who approaches them)MENDEVOLIN: Excuse me sir, madam.
I noticed you sitting here and I wondered if Icould join you for a moment?LEON: Why certainly (motions towards empty chair) there’s always room for one more. Can I offer you a glass of wine?MENDEVOLIN: No thank-you, that’s quite alright. Actually, I’m presently embarking onan important journey, I’m afraid I don’t really have time to drink right now. In fact, what Ireally was wondering, was if you may have any information that you would be willing toshare with me in regards to either Leon of Sylvanus, Spruce of Elfheim or Pardudiouswhose title, I’m not familiar with. SPRUCE: Yeah, I’m Spruce (LEON shoots SPRUCE a menacing glare) and this is LeonLEON: (yelling) What are you thinking telling a perfect stranger asking for informationon us that we are those whom he seeks!? Do you not know anything of the parels of anadventuring life!? (draws his pistol, points it at MENDEVOLIN’s head) Who knows whatthis man wants us for, he could be an assassain sent by either an enemy of your father’s orsomeone who wants my head!SPRUCE: (turning to MENDEVOLIN, faking whisper) There’s more than a couple afterhis head, I’m sure.
(snickers)MENDEVOLIN: (looking uncomfortable, appearing to chose his words carefully) I’msure there can’t be that many people who want your head. . . . .
. (speeding up) and if thereare I’m sorry to hear it. In any case, I’m not an assassain. LEON: Well then who are you, and what do you want with us?MENDEVOLIN: I am Mendevolin, a powerful wild mage. I have been entrusted withthe task of renewing a millenia old spell used to repress the ultimate evil, Terresquay. Myquest involves a journey to the Contusion Islands where I must procure the wax of theContusion bees which is only produced every 1000 years.
From that wax I must form acandle and place it on a pedestal in the diamond mountain range. SPRUCE: (aside to LEON) And you talk about me giving away too much information. MEDEVOLIN: (looks at the pair then continues) My father, on his death bed, told methat you may be of some help, will you join me?LEON: A dangerous quest, involving Islands that only told of in legend, bees that areprobably larger than I am, not to mention this ultimate evil thing. Why should I go withyou, what am I going to get out of this? Look old man, I’m perfectly happy here, mindingmy own business and drinking my wine.
MENDEVOLIN: (Stands) First of all, the bees are not larger than you, in fact, they’renot even as large as normal bees. Secondly, I have faith in my father, he wouldn’t havesent me on this quest if it couldn’t be completed. Therefore, the Contusion Islands mustexist. Thirdly, you’re mistaken in believing that this is a choice I’m presenting you with. You must come, if you’re not with me then the spell I’m trying to renew will fizzle and theworld will be thrown into darkness and chaos. (LEON leans back comfortably in chair and places feet on table, folding hands behind headand glares at MENDEVOLIN)SPRUCE: Don’t me such a stick in the mud, it’s an adventure, we’re at The Tavern, don’tyou know what comes next? First, we make friends with him.
Then, we agree to joinhim, pay the barkeep, sign this (pulls out contract), and we go merrily on our way. MENDEVOLIN: Ok. Spruce, will you be my friend?SPRUCE: Yeah, will you be mine?MENDEVOLIN: Sure. Will you join me?SPRUCE: You bet! (snaps fingers, BARKEEP enters stage left, SPRUCE paysBARKEEP, exit BARKEEP stage left) Barkeep’s paid, now all that’s left is this. MENDEVOLIN: (signs contract, SPRUCE signs contract) Leon?LEON: Alright fine, I’ll sign your stupid contract,(signs contract) heck I’ll even pretend tobe your friend, I will even join your stupid quest.
. . but only on one condition. I takeorders from nobody especialy washed-up old has-beens like you. I’ll do what I wantwhen I want and if you don’t like it tough!MENDEVOLIN: I don’t care what you do on your own time but you’re on contract nowand until this adventure is done you’re working for me and do as I say, understand?LEON: Yeah, I understand, (angrily gritting his teeth)(aside) I understand perfectly.
(Exit ALL stage right)ACT II SCENE I(Enter LOWELL stage left, obviously lost)LOWELL: Where in the name of chaos am I? I should’ve been there a long time ago. (LOWELL continues his searching)DEREK: (offstage) BORK!!!!!!!!!(as DEREK yells bork, LOWELL drops to the ground, throws map offstage left. DEREKcharges onto the stage, jumps over LOWELL, sumersaults, sits up and takes in hissurroundings)LOWELL: (yelling) What do you think you’re doing man! What are you doing attackingme? I didn’t do nothin’! (whiny) Leave me alone! Why does everyone always pick onme? Is it because I’m different, is it because I smell (checks himself). Look, I’m sorry if Ioffended you in any way, in any event, it was purely accidental. Please, don’t hurt me, justlet me be on my way.
DEREK: (stares). . . .
. . (looking for the right words) I’m. . .
. . ummm. . .
. . sorry. . . .
. ahh. . . .
. I didn’tsee you there. You haven’t offended me, you don’t need to worry about that. As forattacking you, that would involve control over my body, which moments ago I didn’t have. LOWELL: Then you didn’t want to fight me?DEREK: (appears confused) No. I’m not sure what I wanted to do.
LOWELL: What do you mean?DEREK: Well, I don’t know who you are, or where I am. One second, I’m performingroutinescouting operations for the king in the village of Verge, next thing I know, I’m inthe middle of these woods, flying through the air and when I sit up, I see you. By theway, who are you?LOWELL: Well, my mother always told me not to tell my name to strange people, theymight be trying to kidnap me. So I’m not telling. .
. DEREK: (shocked) Well, since you appear as lost as I am, it might be to our advantageto join together. Besides, it’s always better to travel with company. LOWELL: Ah ha, that’s where you’re wrong, I’m not lost, I’ve got my map (holds upempty hand). (sad look, looks at DEREK) My name is Lowell. DEREK: I am Derek Arcane.
Now that we’re aquainted, I’m sure that with a little luck,we’ll be able to reach our destinations. Will you join me then?LOWELL: (sobbing) my map, my beautiful map, gone. (LOWELL continues muttering ashe leaves offstage right, DEREK follows, attempting to console him. )ACT II SCENE II(Enter SPRUCE followed by MEDEVOLIN and LEON stage right)MENDEVOLIN: (while entering) Spruce, are you sure that you know where you’regoing?SPRUCE: Trust me (gives MENDEVOLIN big smile) I’ve lived my whole life in foests. LEON: I can’t believe you conned me into this.
Some fun this is turning out to be, I’mmarching through a forest, I am soaked, there are bugs crawling in places I can’t mentionto the children (points to audience), and to top it all off, you’ve probably never been in thisforest have you?! That would just be the icing on the cake. C’mon Spruce (sarcasm) haveyou ever been in this forest?! May as well tell me, my day can’t get any worse. SPRUCE: Well no, actually I’ve never been in this forest. But, they’re all the same aren’tthey? Once you’ve been in one, you’ve been in them all. All you have to know, is how toread what the forest is telling you. You have to look for things like animal trails, mossgrowth, and listen for the songs of the birds.
They’ll tell you all you need to know. MENDEVOLIN: Do you know how to find these things and interpret what they say?SPRUCE: No, but if I did, I know those things would help. (big smile at MENDEVOLIN)MENDEVOLIN: Do you at least know roughly where we are?SPRUCE: Yes. We’re about a half day’s walk east from Elfheim.
There’s bound to besomeone there who knows this Pardudious character. If he’s any kind of adventurer, he’llbe known at The Tavern. MENDEVOLIN: Well then, let’s pick up the pace, it’s going to be a long journey, 3months to go as far south as you can, and then as far north as you possibly can, is reallypushing it. LEON: Yes, I agree.
We’ve been wandering through this forest for a day and half, Iwould kill for the chance to be back in civilization. I bet the reason you’ve never been inthis forest before is because you’ve never found anyone stupid enough to come with youbefore. Let’s go, my feet are starting to hurt. (crosses upstage left towards offstage)(enter LOWELL and DEREK stage left, running into LEON)LEON: Geez Spruce, it’s too bad you didn’t run into these two dunderheads before youdragged us into this forest, seems they would’ve been willing to come with you. LOWELL: Oh, excuse me.
(LOWELL walks past LEON and continues walking towardsstage right)DEREK: Lowell, where are you going?LOWELL: Well, we’ve got to find some other people to help us get out of. . . .
. . oh. . .
. . (approaches MENDEVOLIN, shakes his hand) my name is Lowell. DEREK: Don’t mind my friend, he’s a little (makes crazy sign). My name is DerekArcane, I’ve just recently found myself in these woods and I’m trying to make it back tocivilization, if you could point us in the direction of the nearest town, it would be greatlyappreciated.
MENDEVOLIN: We are headed there ourselves in fact. You’re welcome to join us ifyou wish. My name is Mendevolin, this is Spruce (points) and this is Leon (points). Weare presently searching for someone named Pardudious so that we may begin our journeytowards the contusion islands. You wouldn’t happen to know where we might find himwould you? The things my father gave me said that he may live behind a waterfall. DEREK: You mean find IT don’t you?ALL: IT?DEREK: Yes, Pardudious is a boat, a magical flying ship.
LEON: (skepticism) A magic flying ship? Why should we believe you? We’re on a questinvolving some ultimate evil. Who’s to say you aren’t. . . .
one of his minions? (LEON drawshis pistol and aims at DEREK)LOWELL: My friend is in trouble, oh lord of chaos, show us now the power ofrandomness, and cause the next shot from that boomstick to go awry and miss its intendedtarget. Honour your humble servant’s plea. LOWELL: (aside) And on the off chance that the lord of chaos is unavailable for a smallmiracle, at this time I will proceed to beat both combantants senseless with whateverheavy, blunt objects that may be at hand, in your mercy. DEREK: (pulls out cross from under tunic) If I was a minion of evil, would I be wearingthis?LEON: No, I suppose not.
SPRUCE: C’mon Leon, put the gun away. We can’t be fighting with each other, we havea ship to find and a mission to complete. LOWELL: Yeah, this’ll be cool! A flying ship, wow! We’ll be flying above everything,I’ll be able to see all my friends, and wave hi to th—-LEON: Just shut up will you? I want to get going before it’s already too late. LOWELL: Sorry, I’ll just be over here (walks away from group and sits down on stage,head down)MENDEVOLIN: Well if it can help us get to the Contusion Islands quickly, I’m all for it. We’re on a very tight timeline and every little bit will help. (turns to LEON) Now, infuture Leon, you can take some of your own advice and keep your mouth shut unless youhave something important to say.
We have to work together. Everyone has the right tomake suggestions, we just can’t tell people to shut up all the time. You’re not the only onewith ideas worth listening to. In fact, I’m not sure that you’ve had one good idea yet, andstill you shoot down everyone else. Keep your ego under control and your mouth shut.
LEON: (aside) I can’t wait for an opportunity to shoot you down. . . .
LOWELL: (Jumps up) Wait a minute!. . . . .
I mean, ummm, excuse me. We can’t leave yet. LEON: (sighs) Why can’t we go now?LOWELL: We haven’t signed a contract yet. Does anyone have one?MENDEVOLIN: Yes, right here (pulls out contract, LOWELL and DEREK sign it)SPRUCE: Ok, well if everything’s in order, we can be on our way.
(everyone leaves down the stairs stage left and out the side door except LEON. LEONlingers on stage, pulls out pistol, admires it and shoots blank towards stage door. )NOTE: Mendevolin must leave last (before Leon)ACT II SCENE III(ALL enter stage right side door)MENDEVOLIN: Lives behind the waterfall, Lives behind the waterfall. That doesn’teven make sense anymore. SPRUCE: What’cha got? (Smile at MENDEVOLIN)MENDEVOLIN: Just something my father gave me before he passed away.
He told meabout this quest, said I should find Pardudious and gave me this (holds up scroll), what’swritten can’t be accurate though. Since Pardudious is not a person, he can’t possibly livebehind a waterfall. LEON: Let me see that. (MENDEVOLIN hands scroll LEON. LEON looks at it) Justlooks like gibberish to me. LOWELL: People said that we were crazy to build a castle on a swamp, but we did, andit sunk into a swamp.
So, we built a second castle, and it sunk too. So we built a thirdcastle, it was burned, pillaged and fell to the ground, and then it sunk into the swamp. Sowe built a fourth castle and it’s standing, it’s the strongest castle in all the lands. Butfather, I don’t want the castle, I want, I want. . .
. . No no no, there’ll be no singing while I’mstill here, stop the music, stop it right now, I won’t. . . .
. . oh excuse me (sits on stairs stageright). (ALL are staring at LOWELL by the end of the speech)SPRUCE: No Leon, that was gibberish.
DEREK: (DEREK comes down stairs stage left, walks towards group) Well, it’s therealright. Now all we have to do is find a way to get it past the flow of the water, anysuggestions?MENDEVOLIN: Derek, my good friend, how did you know to look there?DEREK: Easy, just take a look at the scrollMENDEVOLIN: (MENDEVOLIN looks at scroll again) Ok, perhaps it would help if Iknew what I was looking for. DEREK: Not that side, turn it over. (MENDEVOLIN turns scroll over) See, there it is.
LEON: Hmmmm, you would’ve thought that a powerful mage like yourself would haveknown to check both sides of a scroll. I’m just glad it wasn’t a spell scroll you werereading from, that would have certainly been disasterous. Though it wouldn’t surprise meto find out you’ve done it once or twice. (this catches MENDEVOLIN’s attention)LOWELL: (snaps to attention) Check for fine print, check for fine print!ALL: What!?LEON: For the love of god, somebody slap a muzzle on the boy!(MENDEVOLIN takes offence and marches angrily towards LEON. LEON forces thescroll on SPRUCE who steps aside and looks at it.
LEON takes a defensive stance)LOWELL: (aside) My god is bound to look favourably upon me! It seems everywhere Igo, I cause chaos! They say they’re powerful mages, but they have no idea of the powerthat is weilded by the followers of chaos! If they start something, we’re really going to seea show. (LOWELL begins preparing for a battle)SPRUCE: Well, would ya’ look at this! Fine Print!ALL: Shut Up!SPRUCE: No, I’m serious. Listen: “If through the water your path does lay, just quoteFat Albert, say ‘Hey’, ‘Hey’, ‘Hey'”(As words are spoken, curtains open to reveal boat behind. ALL are unaware of whathappened, adlibbing conversation about words)MENDEVOLIN: (turning around) That’s Pardudious (everyone stops talking, turnsaround) Not very impressive is it? I’ve known orcs to ride around in better. DEREK: It may not look like much, but it’s powers are beyond your comprehension andmy imagination.
LEON: Beyond their comprehension maybe. Beyond mine, I beg to differ. Now, showme the way to the controls and I’ll have us out of here in no time. (ALL head towards ship except LOWELL who lingers for a moment)LOWELL: I just want everyone to know that I get airsick. ACT III SCENE I(enter ALL from stage left)MENDEVOLIN: Well, we’re here. DEREK: Short trip, you’d think that it’d be a lot harder to get to an Island that mostpeople don’t even think exists.
LEON: (checking his wrist hourglass) Yeah, we’ve only been travelling an hour. MENDEVOLIN: Now, I have a few things here that my father told me would help us. Irealize you may wonder of the usefulness of the items I am about to give you but I haveconfidence, my father would not have given them to me were they not going to be helpful. (MENDEVOLIN pulls forth the flyswatters from his sack)LOWELL: Wow! You’ve got some of those. . .
. . Thingies!LEON: What manner of insuperior weapon are those? I bet you couldn’t even kill a flywith them!MENDEVOLIN: Well. . . .
ummm. . . .
. LOWELL: You mean you never heard the legend?SPRUCE: Legend???LOWELL: Yeah, the legend of the tailor that killed seven giants with one of these!(LOWELL then proceeds to sword fight with flyswatter. ALL stare at him). . .
. sorry. (LOWELL sits down like before)SPRUCE: Well, if you can kill giants with one of these things, you’ll have no problemkilling a few little bees right? (murmurs of consent)MENDEVOLIN: Right then. Has everyone been armed with a. . .
. . . (looks at LOWELL)LOWELL: Thingy. MENDEVOLIN: Right! With a THINGY! (everyone awkwardly holds up flyswattersexcept for LOWELL and MENDEVOLIN)OK! To the Bees!ALL: TO THE BEES!(exit ALL stage right)ACT III SCENE II(enter ALL stage left)MENDEVOLIN: Where is the hive.
. . . .
it’s supposed to be here. AHEM. I’m sure, it’sright around here somewhere. (hive pops out behind front curtain stage right on stick)thankyou. DEREK: Look, I see it, over there (points at hive)LOWELL: Hit it with your shovel Leon!LEON: My what?LOWELL: Your shovel.
(shovel flies in from offstage right. LEON catches shoveland looks at it, and unimpressed, hands it to LOWELL, he turns from others, tellingstory in aside like state) I remember my mom used to go out and find hives just so thatshe could whack them with her shovel. (LOWELL turns back to group) I thoughteveryone whacked hives with shovels?SRPUCE: Shovel, you don’t use a shovel, you use a pitchfork. (Pitchfork comes fromoffstage right, SPRUCE catches it)LOWELL: What do you mean! Pitchfork, are you nuts’shovel!SPRUCE: Pitchfork!LOWELL: Shovel!(LOWELL and SPRUCE repeat several times. Spruce wins by pointing the pitchfork atLOWELL)LOWELL: Ok, ok, pitchfork. (LOWELL sits down with shovel across lap)LEON: Oh, enough of this.
This tomfoolery has gone on long enough. (LEON pulls outpistol and aims at hive. Changes his mind and aims at person holding hive offstage. LEON shoots, hive falls, sound of person offstage falling down dead)(after hive falls, ALL pull out their thingies.
They fight valiantly while ‘flight of thebumblebee’ plays in the backround. Fight lasts for about 15-20 seconds. It appearshopeless)MENDEVOLIN: Run Away!!!!!! (everyone repeating ‘run away’ as they move upstageleft)(when all arive, SPRUCE pulls out sandwhich from bag and begins to eat it)MENDEVOLIN: (astonished) Spruce, what are you doing? This is no time for a picnic. Put that away we need to come up with a strategy. LOWELL: (sniffing) Is that peanut butter and honey?SPRUCE: Yeah, want some?LOWELL: Sure, I’d love some, I haven’t eaten anything since we started this adventure. SPRUCE: We’ve only been adventuring together for an hour and a half.
DEREK: Wait a minute. That’s it! Give me that (grabbing sandwhich from LOWELL. LOWELL whimpers and “sits down”) I’ll be back in a sec. (DEREK move towardshive and places sandwhich near hive then retreats. Once bees have taken bait about 15sec. DEREK moves back to hive and retrieves wax.
) Got it! (looks over shoulder, beeschase ‘flight of the bumblebee’ plays again)(exit ALL stage left)ACT III SCENEIIINARRATOR: Mendevolin and his party set forth for the twin volcanoes hidden deepwithin the diamond mountain range. With the candle now formed, our heroes are nowready to face the terrible evil that lies ahead. (enter ALL , MENDEVOLIN first, stageright. MENDEVOLIN noticing the candle stops suddenly, rest of the party runs him over. everyone falls on MENDEVOLIN and candle breaks.
) Well, almost ready. MENDEVOLIN: (realizing the candle is broken) Oh this is just perfect. Everything I haveever done, I have screwed up somehow. (MENDEVOLIN is in his own little world) Ifailed as a tailor, (enter EVIL MAGE stage left) I can’t cast magic worth a damn, (ALLbut MENDEVOLIN see EVIL MAGE and creep away in fear) and now this! (gestures atbroken candle and breaks down crying)EVIL MAGE: (approaches MENDEVOLIN, places hand on shoulder) There, there.
Itwill all be over very soon. (EVIL MAGE licks fingers and puts out candle) There, wasthat really so bad. (EVIL MAGE laughter)THE ENDCategory: English
