“Red Badge of Courage. What in tarnation is this? We have to fight the whole damned rebel army? Damn, look at that there army. Looks like a bunch of grey wombats from hell made of steel! By ginger, those greys are charging fast! And our lieutenant wants us to fight them? We just fought a little bit ago. That lieutenant’s over there smacking away at them soldiers, shouting, “Why ain’t you firing? Fire, you pack of mule drivers!” while we are getting clobbered. That Confederate army is a bunch of trained jim-dandies and we’re just a bunch of mule drivers. Nag-nammit, I ain’t liking this one bit. Wait – what’s this? Some of the regiment is turning cheeks? Our mule drivers are now a bunch of sheep running from a wolf.
Their faces are full of ghostly expressions, like that fellow who’s got a ghostly blue face with those eyes as big as his face, or that man who’s running like there’s no tomorrow. Pretty damn scary if you were to ask me! Now the whole regiment is running like one scared sheep. And those greys are coming faster and faster.
I’m thinking it’s going to be a low hour if I don’t get running soon here. It’s time to drop my rifle and my hat. . . Sweet Jesus, I’m coming to Israel! Heh heh.
And look at the lieutenant now. He’s running like the sky’s falling. Damn near busted his shoulder trying to run.
Those grey wombats are going to whomp on all those soldiers behind me, so I’d better get a move on. Lucky I’m not back with them. There are shells all around me, whistling like a Dixie, each one wanting to chew me up. Whoa! That missile just exploded right five feet in front of me. Packs quite a kick there. Better dust off my breeches and keep on a-running.
Whew. . . All the soldiers are behind me. Those wombats are going to have a tasty meal.
And look at that other battery fitting. Those fools. They’ll all be dead! That boy on that horse will be eating daisies on his grave in a bit.
