“Out of clutter, find simplicity, from discord, find harmony, in the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. ” – Albert Einstein What’s your definition of a bad day? Is it minor? Or is it major? Well there are 360 days in a year, and one of those days I recall, was the worst day of my life. Although my parents were separated, I was raised in a loving family and I was daddy’s little girl. However, my life became a clutter when my father had an aneurysm. As a result, I deliberately acted out and defied my mother. All the lessons my father taught me, to become a good person, had diminished.
I looked to an outlet to hide the pain and emotional damage I felt. I found that outlet through my desire to go to medical school. Growing up, my mother always told me I was my father’s clone, a fighter. Even though he was no longer the dominant caretaker, my attachment to him remained. I loved his tone of voice, the corny jokes and stories he told, and how he knew what to say when I was feeling down. Frequently, I recall how he could not leave me because I wanted to stay right by his side and would cry if he went off too far.
Three days prior to the aneurysm my father said to me, “If anything happens to me baby, I don’t want you to go crazy. Stay focused on school and have a family, you hear me? ” It took two years to accept the fact my father would never be his old self. I had to remember not to let him down. I remember covering my ears with my hands, as I sat in fetal position. I could see my heart beating out of my chest every time I seen a nurse run past me as the doctors are constantly being paged. My heart skipped a beat, and I suddenly couldn’t breathe.
I could hear this long tone, I waited, I waited to hear the heart monitor sound off again. There it goes. Unfortunately, my father’s recovery was difficult. He was paralyzed and unable to walk or feed himself. However, the most devastating part was his inability to remember who I was because the aneurysm wiped away his memory. I tried to jog his memory through narratives to help him identify family members. However, he struggled to believe and often questioned the truth. Having difficulty remembering was only one issue my father experienced after the aneurysm.
When I visited with him, I had to ensure he received the proper nutrition and exercise because the facility was not the best and the quality of care from the nurses was below adequate. I made sure he did the routine designed for him to gain the ability to move his upper body. After a year, he regained his strength, but he will not be able to walk again. However, he gained an enormous amount of memory back, but not full recovery. I am just glad he is still around to be in my life. I would have never thought my connection with my father would lead me here.
This is why becoming an OB GYN is my dream. I want other parents and children to share such a bond. You never know how much you love a person until that love is tested. Unfortunately, I was so young when the incident happened, but it made me stronger. One bad day can become your escape, for you to realize what you were put on this earth to do. I learned that my struggles are my path to success and through my difficult childhood I have found simplicity and harmony in wanting to bring life into the world.
