McBeths Personal InsightAs I sit here and think back to the past events, I wonder if everything that wasdone was really necessary. I now realise that it was my own selfishness thatdrove my husband to the person he has become.
I fear him now. I don’t knowwhat became of me, maybe it was the excitement of the fact that I was to becomequeen one day. Why couldn’t of I just waited till the day came naturally,instead of causing it to occur quicker than it should of. Oh why did I do thisto myself, and my husband. People used to worship him like he was king, he was ahero, but now, like myself they fear him.
I have betrayed my people. When hetold me of the three weird sisters and of the prophecies they made I wasskeptical , but then he told me that he was declared Thane of Cawdor and I knewthe sisters spoke of the truth. Oh why worthy thane did you unbend your noblestrength and succumb to my evilness, you knew it was wrong from the start, butstill I pushed and you being the loyal husband that you were, did as I wished. Now, Duncan is dead, dead from our own hands, not the grooms that slept withal.
“the sleepy and the dead are but as pictures; tis the eye of the childhoodthat fears a painted devil. . . . .
. ” what a foolish thought that was, I shouldof listened toyou instead of taking it upon our own hands to do the deed. Myhands are now stained with the blood of Duncan and no matter how hard I scrub itwill not remove itself from my skin. There is a doctor with me, I suppose tryingto figure me out.
Impossible. All I feel is guilt, I have no need to speak toanyone, nor a want to. I know I am insane, he knows it and so does the nurse, sowhy do they bother to try. Darling husband you saw the danger signs stamped allover me, but ignored them, because when there is unconditional love there is nojudgment. That is the way you saw it, that was the way you always saw it. Whathappened, look what you have become.
A monster, that is the only way I canexpress it, a human could not even contemplate murdering his own best friend,for his own personal gain. I cant speak freely about this as I was as bad asthat if not worse. Although I have confessed to myself that I have done theworst that a person could do, and yet my husband, you can not see past the powerthat you think you will receive. Can’t you see that McDuff knows what we’vedone and soon a repercussion will come of it. Don’t fool yourself again byfalling for the sisters words, for I know that he will prevail and find away tobring you down. I do here about what goes on, the doctor and nurse talk aboutMcDuff going to England to see Malcolm and preparing a way of exposing ourevilness.
He was to become king, and he deserved to. Not you, as the only thingyou have done for the country is to cause hatred among your people. I am notlooking forward to that day, as by then he would of found out about his wife andchildren. I want to give you all of my love, but all your kisses and fine wordsare not enough to heal my pain. And that is way I can no longer stay in thiscruel and horrible world of deception.
You think I wen t first but really. . itwas you. Farewell my love and I will no doubt see you soon.
