I didn’t like the feeling of limits. I was use to running, playing, cruising, and exploring. That all changed school was a drag and I was limited to run, to sleep comfortably, to eat raw fish and crab, and limited to be free. It was like a jail cell for me. I am the second oldest out of my two sisters and one brother. Before I got pregnant I could outrun my younger brother any day, but that changed too. I cannot handle not being active for a long time. I like to explore and be active in sports or activities. For seven months too many things were going through my mind…. What are they thinking of me? ” “They are not making me have an abortion! ”
“Is my baby going to be healthy? ” “Am I going to survive my labor and delivery? ” The fact of fear was getting to my head. Things were getting even scarier as my due date got closer. Having to deal with my boyfriend’s family was really hard, harsh words were said and I could feel their rage. Conflicts built up anger in me and I started stressing out a lot, I was scared that I would kill my baby with my stress and anger. I tried to find ways to distract my thoughts and feelings so I found a hobby.
Parents and in-laws helped me start this hobby. Although, I have made over fifty pairs of earrings, this hobby only kept me from thinking and stressing about my feelings and thoughts. In my final month of pregnancy contractions were getting stronger each day, it’s like very bad menstrual cramps every day. As days got closer I stayed at a hotel closest to the hospital with family one weekend. That weekend wasn’t the weekend my baby decided to show her face to the world. She wanted to wait four days later. On the bed in the delivery room I sat and waited to dilate fully.
Watching family walk in and out, I was in a time capsule. Don’t remember what was going on. Focused on contractions, trying to train my mind into thinking that this pain was the least of my worries, and the worst was yet to come. Everything was at a soft tone, doctor walks in and at seven centimeters of dilation she decides to ask me if I want to take epidural. Her question made me think twice. After training myself into being comfortable with the pain I lost focus and just wanted to get rid of all this pain.
Debating with myself the doctor gave me a couple more minutes. I called her back in and I asked for the epidural. Not only did I feel disappointed with my decision, because I didn’t plan to take epidural, but my mother did too. Doctors came in with all their equipment. A needle going through my spine wasn’t painful at all. A few seconds later I was numb from my waist and down. NO PAIN at all. It was great not to feel any pain. An hour later I delivered my baby. March 9, 2006 baby Sapphire Beatrix Moe’uhanekamaluhialani Kehaulani Tulipa osovale Akiona-Savini was born.
She was seven pounds and nineteen inches long. Holding her for the first time and looking into her eyes brought tears of joy and happiness to my eyes. She is my pride and joy. I have achieved a great accomplishment. This is an experience that only a woman truly knows what its like. After all the excitement I was exhausted and went to sleep. We were required to stay at the hospital for two days. Those two days was painful and tiring. Both nights there was not enough rest. First days of me being a parent was dreadful.
My boyfriend stayed with me those two nights to keep me company. I never dreamed of staying at a hospital overnight at this age. Even though I am young I discovered a lot from being a parent. Typical teenage things like clubbing and drinking at beaches didn’t interest me at all. Those two days of being a parent made me realize these facts. The day of my release from the hospital would be the day of my baby shower. Friends and family would see my baby and paranoia will build up because of everyone touching her.
You can never be too careful. Things changed after she was born. Not only for me, but the people around me changed too. At six months old Sapphire and I have bonded really well. She is a smart and strong girl. She knows that she is spoiled by many and she knows what she wants. However, I feel a lot freer. I exercise when I can and I am able to do more. These things I can do with her by my side. Depression would get me at times because I didn’t look the same as before I got pregnant because of my weight. But that all changed.
I lost thirty pounds and only seven pounds away from my usual weight. Now that I feel more secure with myself I am happier. Everything with my boyfriend’s parents seems fine now. Having a meeting with them brought their rage down. This is their first grandchild and they really love her. While I am in school family members would be watching my baby. I get paranoid because toddlers are around her and they don’t fully understand how fragile infants are, but until my baby is old enough to defend herself physically and mentally then my paranoia will go away.
Although a lot of people think school is a dread, after taking a break from school for months because of pregnancy, made me realize how much I miss it. Being in school makes me happier. I like to be a good role model for my brothers and sisters it makes me feel mature and responsible. Now that I can do more I plan to pursue my dream of a fashion designer, a business owner, and a wonderful mom with a blessed family. This truly was a pivotal moment in my life in so many ways.
