Clear Expectation: Provide clear expectations on what you want to see before the start of an activity. Be specific on what (s)he must do to earn the reward or beneficial thing at the conclusion of the activity.
Plan ahead: Make sure you have expectations that are within the child’s ability and a clear path so the child can be successful. It should always be your goal for the child to encounter success; however, it is okay if the child misses out on an opportunity. Do not feel bad or like you did something wrong. Look at what happened and next time adjust the game plan a bit.
Consistency: Make sure you implement the contingency consistently. The child should always know exactly what (s)he needs to do for good things to happen. Do not give in if possible, wait and push through it. Remember you’ve got this. It will work. You will see a significant benefit by being consistent, particularly in the long-term.
Delivering Demand: When placing any demand follow these three steps.
- Be close to the child. This way you can make sure the child is paying attention to you. If you deliver a demand across the room, it can be difficult to identify if the child heard you. Play it safe and find success.
- Be concise in your demands. Avoid detailed explanations/rationales or elaborately worded demands. It is okay to tell a kid (i.e., “Go clean your room” instead of “Go clean your room, it will make me happy, and grandma is coming. Grandma loves it when your room is clean”). Delivering clear and concise demands is your friend.
- Use a direct statement rather than posing questions (i.e., “it is time for circle time” rather than “can you come to circle time”) Think about it. If you place a demand that has a yes/no response, then technically it is okay for the child to say “no.”
Missing out on reinforcement: Sometimes a child will miss out on encountering the reward. You need to be willing deal with this. Avoid discussions about the consequence of missing out or the punishments. You should: maintain a firm, but neutral tone and facial expression and follow through with the expectation you initially set.
You need to be prepared to see some disruptive behavior from the child. The child is upset; they are missing out on reinforcement. It is okay for them to initially be disappointed or upset. You might feel like you made things worse because the child is engaging in intense disruptive behavior such as crying, screaming, throwing items, and may be aggressing. However, remember you are playing the long game. You want what is best for the child and being consistent and following through will help get the child where you want them to go.
Catch them doing good: Finally, catch the good behavior. Reinforce these things because you want to see this more often. For example, if you ask Nicole, “Nicole pick up your toys” and Nicole goes ahead and picks up his toys, tell Nicole “Thank you so much, I loved how you listened right away and picked up your toys.” Remember, we are busy and it is easy only to see the bad things a child does. When a child is being naughty, it is more disruptive to us. However, try catching your child doing good and providing attention for good versus the bad and see what will happen.
