I realize that this topic is probably beat to death but I am going to write my paper on it because I believe that it is a growing problem that continues to shape who we are, psychically, emotionally. mentally, and socially. I know that society is becoming much more accepting of different body types. But I think that society is accepting body types that are either skinny and fit, or thick and curvy. In so that excludes average body types, those that do not fit into those categories, and so those people will fight to be on either side of the spectrum.
Becoming that hipster, fashion model, coolest girl in school stereotype of skinny, thin, where you can wear it all with clear skin and lithe movements. This can often cause eating disorders, anxiety, depression, body dysmorphia, etc. You do not have to be skinny to have an eating disorder. It could start off with wanting to lose a few pounds on a diet of sorts, to fulfill a societal standard body type. This can easily slip into restricting food, excessive exercising, binge eating, purging, etc.
Bulimia is a vicious cycle that is extremely hard to break, some people spend their entire lives fighting it, 20 to 40 years until their hearts give out or their esophaguses rupture. The constant dousing your throat in stomach acid when you stick your fingers down your throat erodes the sides and irritates it. Your stomach will get ulcers, the back of your throat will have scars and may get infected, your breath will stink of vomit, your face will break out because of the lack of nutrition and the stomach acid touching around your mouth. You will pass out from walking up a flight of stairs, hair will fall out in clumps leaving bald spots, nails become brittle, skin dry, bones weak, you will get sick easier because you do not give your body nutrition to function. You will isolate yourself because you are too tired to get up, all day you think of not eating, and what to do if you have to, what your body looks like to other people.
Losing weight starts happen for a different reason other than a simple diet. It is your entire life, just one more pound, there is no reason to keep going but you have to, it’s an addiction. It becomes harder to start eating again because your stomach has shrunk due to having no food in it for so long. So you have to eat very small portions or else you get full or throw it up if the food is too flavorful or rich. Sometimes your body will forget how to digest food, from purging so much the food has not made it all the way through your body the muscles are stressed into working backwards to force food up your throat.
I feel sickened when my arms touch my sides, psychically sickened, when there is one inch of fat between my legs and no matter how many exercises I do it won’t go away. Then my parents began to make me eat when they noticed I was not. I wanted to lose weight because I looked so average, not curvy, not skinny, just boring old me, and I wanted to look good, pretty. thin, beautiful. I began to not eat breakfast, then lunch, then my parents began to see what was going on, and they started to make me eat. That’s when I started purging my food, so that I could eat in front of them but then still get rid of the food. I began to see changes in my body. losing weight, I would exercise a lot.
The purging became a cycle that was unbreakable. I then realized that I could restrict food, then give in and eat a lot of food then purge all of it. My mom was disappointed in me when she found out and began to watch me more. Soon after I went to a hospital for three months without notice, I felt betrayed and did not get any better while I was there. I began self harming, I was depressed, compulsive, and young. Nowadays I have almost stopped purging, but I restrict my eating most of the time but within the last year I developed a disorder that is picking at my skin, excessively cleaning my face, brushing my teeth, etc. I still cannot tell what my body really looks like.
