I suffer from depression. In life, some find it easy to let go and get over things. I don’t. On a day to day basis, I focus on my past and things that have hurt me. Bruises that are left in my head that will never clear up. My journey with discovering my own depression began five years ago. I was going through a divorce with my ex-husband who was cheating on me with a family member. While going through my divorce my son and I were homeless and sleeping in my jeep. There were nights where I had to decide if I was going to eat. I reconnected with a guy I knew from elementary school when I came back to Delaware.Order now
He soon become my significant other who I started living with. I got two jobs to pay for my lawyer at McDonalds and The Sheraton making only 7. 25 at both. I had to travel back and forth to Georgia on a greyhound bus to go to court every month. On top of fighting for my son I was pregnant with my second child. I was awarded sole custody after one year and $10,000 later. The day I went to court to finalize the papers was four days after my C-section. Needless to say, I still had staples in my stomach and unfortunately still had to ride the Greyhound.
Shortly after this my only family member that I trusted, was my sister, and she had died. She died of a car crash at the age of 29. I had to pay for her whole funeral by myself. I dressed her and did her hair and makeup in the back of the funeral home. After all of this, which was enough, I found out my significant other had been cheating on me with numerous women. I was, and still am devastated. He was there through everything. I left for a couple months to only come back. I had gone to my grandparents who do not care for me and are racist. On top off all this drama, they invited my ex-husband and my mother to stay at the house too.
My significant other decided to tell me he wanted his family back and that he was going to change. When the kids and I came back I found out I was pregnant again. At this time I had just gotten hired at JcPenny’s. Everything was hard at my new job because my manager was the girl that my significant other cheated on me with. After I had my daughter I began fixing my life. I filed for bankruptcy. I had to have a hysterectomy before I started school because I was having a lot of pain. I am now in school with three kids, all under five, trust issues, and trying to build a future.
I have started going to therapy and counseling. Depression is this state that clouds not only your emotional life but also your perspective on normality. I can’t function or even get out of bed without taking my medicine. I feel down just by driving by a town or going in to the store. Random moments replay in my mind all the time. I cry when I look in the mirror and I feel alone. I wonder at times why nobody wants to be with me or my friend. I am on psych meds, and I’m not at all ashamed to share that they help me quite a bit. I am now starting to be able to do more for myself and my family.
Just because I’m on psych meds now does not mean my depression is “gone. ” It does not mean that I do not have spells of insomnia, or feeling like I’m slipping down into that black hole again. It just means that I am more capable of battling the depressive cloud that, was assigned to me by my genetics when I was born. And I feel like many people would benefit from a little bit of chemical assistance when it comes to their happiness. I pop my happy pill every day and I am starting to be happy with living another day, and maybe if I’m lucky, many more.