Steps To and Through Sex
Sex. A three letter word that contains about 3000 intonations, thoughts, worries, and considerations. There are many considerations and discussions to be made when having a sexual relationship with a partner. The main ingredient of a successful and satisfying sexual relationship is good communication (Andresen, Weinhold 1981). Communication means, literally, the experience of community or unity (Lear 1997). It is contact and it is connection. You must establish a high quality of connections with yourself and your partner in order to experience unity through sex (Gordon 1980). If you don’t establish the rules of the relationship, negotiate condom use, and talk about what will happen if the female gets pregnant, or if one of you has contracted an STD, the people in the relationship are neither mature enough nor ready to go to the next step and become sexually active with one another.
There are two types of sexual relationships. There is the “casual sex” relationship and the “committed sex” relationship (Cootie ; Schaeffer 1998). Casual sex usually happens when a person goes to a bar and goes home with someone they have just met that night. There is no talk of whether they are going to use a condom, whether or not someone has a sexually transmitted disease, or what will happen if the female gets pregnant. Chances are, phone numbers or last names will not even be exchanged. This type of sexual relationship is extremely dangerous and not smart at all. One night stands are an extremely common occurrence, although it is sad to say. It is this type of behavior that leads to the spread of AIDS, herpes, and other diseases(Lear 1997).
The other type of relationship involving sexual activity is the type where two people have been in a committed relationship before they engage in sexual activity. In a romantic relationship, a couple may date for as much as a year before sexual activity occurs (Lear 1997). In most cases, the couple has established a trust for one another, and knows each other’s sexual history. The relationship is usually monogamous, with them dating only one another. Things, such as the rules of the relationship, how sex may effect the relationship, and what will happen if pregnancy occurs are discussed before the act takes place (Henley & Thorne 1975). This is the responsible way to handle a sexual relationship. People in a relationship should be both comfortable enough and serious enough with each other to be able to discuss such an important topic.
A major question that comes up in a relationship is “What if the female gets pregnant?”A couple should be stable enough in their relationship to be able to handle an unwanted pregnancy. Whether they decide to make the relationship more involved by getting married, or whether they are going to even have the child. In a casual relationship, the female does not have the luxury of discussing what to do with her partner; she is basically on her own either to raise the child in a single parent household or to abort the fetus. That is a huge weight to have on two sets of shoulders, much less one. At least in a romantic relationship, there are two people to handle the “accidents” and deal with it accordingly.
A sexual relationship is an important thing. It is not something to be taken lightly. Having sex is a major step to take in a relationship. A couple should be both physically and emotionally able to have a sex. Sex should not be just “sex,” but it should be making love. There should be not only physical but emotional ties in a relationship before making love enters the picture.
I was raised to believe that sexual relations were not simply sex, but lovemaking. To this day, I believe that is how it should be. Instilled at an early age, I learned that my body is something to be cherished, not thrown around as though I am not proud of it and myself. In keeping with the values my parents, mainly my mother, taught me, I waited until I found the right person to make love with for the first time.
Before my girlfriend and I actually began having a sexual relationship, we discussed many things such what she would want to do if she were to become pregnant. That question was very important to me because I am a devout catholic. The issue of condoms never even came up because we both knew that they were an understood must. Neither of us wants to be parents at this point in our lives.
It makes me wonder about the state that our society is in when I think of how many people in this world have unprotected sex every day. In males ages 25 to 44, AIDS is the leading cause of death, according to Professor Herbert, an Adolescent Psychology teacher here at Hofstra. The majority of this massive spread is due to both homosexual and heterosexual sex without protection.
Different people have different views on what sexual activity means to them. I myself, will only do it if I am in love with the person, and she with me. I have to know that I am in a monogamous relationship, and that I can trust my girlfriend. Most of all, I have to know that I can be able to talk to her about anything in the world, not just sex.
I interviewed many of my peers about what they think about sex and how it should be between two people. The things I learned were basically as I expected. Most of the girls I interviewed felt that sex should be making love, with someone you love. Many said that they would not even have sex without a commitment and those three magic words; I Love You. That would be the answer that I would expect from most females. However, about seventy-five percent of the girls who said that they wouldn’t have sex without love have had sex without the commitment or the emotional ties. They now regret doing that and, if given the choice, would take back ever having sex with anyone. There are other girls I interviewed that said that sex, without love, is not a problem for them. They feel that as long as they get what they want, it does not matter. (I know realize that I should have sold this list to the guys I interviewed.) Not that this view of sex is wrong, but it is simply not what I agree with.
On the other side of the spectrum, there are men. The men I interviewed gave me the exact answer that I thought they would give. They told me that when they made love, it was much more satisfying than a simple one-night stand or talking to a girl for a few days and then sleeping with her. It left them feeling both physically and emotionally complete. But they did not have to be in love to have sex, and they would be more than willing to have sex with someone that they did not have true feelings for. For some, one-night stands were not a problem. The stereotype about men is that they have two heads and they only think with one. It is not usually the one with the cranium. I know that it does not pertain to all because I am friend with a lot of guys who have a very mature view of sex. I just hope the guys are careful and that they take precautions to protect both themselves and their partners.
Having a sexual relationship with someone is not something to be taken lightly. There are so many risks, complications, and things that have to be discussed before one should ever take place. Communication is the key to a solid relationship. Without the discussion of the major issues that come with a sexual relationship, the relationship has two strikes against it before it even gets up to bat. As we learned in class, communication is the key. Nothing, not even sex or making love can beat a good conversation.