Agggh, I am so bored I could scream! I complain about studying, taking up so much of my life and yet as soon as it gets to the weekend I find myself hoping that the time goes quickly so that it is Monday again as the days go much quicker during the week. I feel as though I can make plans to catch up with friends, go to the cinema or out for dinner with the boy. Even just go out for a run. But ultimately what’s the point? If I meet up with friends or go out with the boy we’ll have food which will invariable involve spending money that we don’t need to spend and consuming unnecessary calories which I will then chastise myself for later.
Essentially everything seems pointless as ultimately , and I even when I’m doing something else that I enjoy, the moment that it is over I’m back to thinking about… I’m stuck and I have no idea how to get out of this black hole of boredom. I watched the film “Stuck in Love” yesterday, and the lead character said something that really resonated with me: “I never enjoy anything. I’m always waiting for whatever’s next. I think everyone’s like that. Living life in fast forward. Never stopping to enjoy the moment.
Too busy trying to rush through everything so we can get on with what we are really supposed to be doing with our lives. I get these flashes of brilliant clarity where for a second I stop and I think “Wait, this is it, this is my life. I better slow down and enjoy it because one day we’re all going to end up in the ground and that’ll be it, we’ll be gone This is exactly how I’m feeling at the moment, but I don’t know what to do to change it. It’s sad to think about it but its true that at the moment I feel like I never really enjoy anything, not really.
I have times where I feel happy(ish), I definitely don’t spend my days in floods of tears or feeling as if I want to end it all. Just generally I feel pretty “meh”… just dull. Not happy or sad but a little anxious and most of all, bored! I am bored of the waiting. Bored, bored, bored. When I’m not busy I honestly don’t know what to do with myself. I feel like we are stuck in limbo I was really hoping that writing this post would help my rationalise my thoughts and come to a conclusion or at least an approach for dealing with the rest of the day but I’m none the wiser.
Instead I feel like I have just had a massive rant that no one is going to want to read as it will add nothing of value to their lives at all, not even a giggle as I’m all out of humour today. At least its getting closer to midday.. If I can find something to entertain me for the afternoon it will then be Monday and I’ve a busy week so the days should trot by pretty fast and I’ll be one week further along. Further along what I have no idea but at least I won’t be in this moment where all I want to do is stamp my feet like a petulant child shouting “I’m so bored! “
