Self-concept and Self Esteem
* To hold successful relationships. we must first accept and experience good about ourselves. * A positive self-concept and a healthy degree or self-esteem aid us love and esteem others. * As grownups. we likely have a sense that we’re fundamentally loveable. worthwhile people and that we can swear others is. as babes and kids. we felt loved. valued and respected ; if grownups responded to our demands in a moderately appropriate manner ; and if they gave us the freedom to research and develop a sense of being separate persons. * Harmonizing to psychologist Erik Erikson. it continues to develop as we encounter and resolve assorted crises at each phase of life. * Gender function – the activities. abilities. and features our civilization deems appropriate for us based on whether we’re male or female. * Our grownup manners of loving may be based on the manners of fond regard we established in babyhood with our female parent. male parent or other primary health professional. Peoples who are secure in their intimate relationships likely had a secure. swearing. common fulfilling fond regard to their female parent. male parent or other parenting figure. * People’s earliest experiences and relationships were less than ideal. nevertheless. they can still set up fulfilling relationships in maturity. Peoples can be resilient and flexible. They have the capacity to alter their thoughts. beliefs and behaviour forms. They can larn ways to raise their self-esteem ; they can go more trustful. accepting. and appreciative of others.
* Friendships spring people the chance to portion themselves and detect others. * The friendly relationships we form in childhood are of import in our development ; through them we learn about tolerance. sharing and trust. * Companionship – Friends are relaxed and happy in each other’s company. They typically have common values and involvements and do programs to pass clip together. * Respect – Friends have a basic regard for each other’s humanity and individualism. Good friends respect each other’s feelings and sentiments and work to decide their differences without take downing or contemptuous each other. There are besides honorable with each other. * Acceptance – Friends feel free to be themselves and show their feelings without fright of ridicule or unfavorable judgment.
* Help – Sharing clip. energy and even material goods is of import to friendship. Friends know they can trust on each other in times of demand. * Trust – Friends are secure in the cognition that they will non deliberately hurt each other. * Loyalty – Friends can number on each other. They stand up for each other in both word and title. * Mutuality – Friends retain their single individualities. but close friendly relationships are characterized by a sense of mutualness – “what affects you affects me. ” Friends portion the ups and downs in each other’s lives. * Reciprocity – Friendships are mutual. There is discussion between friends and the feeling that both portion joys and burdens more or less every bit over clip. * Friendships are normally considered both stabler and longer enduring than intimate partnership. Friends are frequently more accepting and less critical than lovers. likely because their outlooks are different. Love. Sexual activity and Familiarity
* Love encompasses antonyms: fondness and choler. exhilaration and ennui. stableness and alteration. bonds and freedom. * Love does non give us perfect felicity. but it does give our lives intending. * Love reflects the positive factors that draw people together and prolong them in relationship. * Sex brings exhilaration and passion to the relationship.
* It intensifies the relationship and adds captivation and pleasance. * The finding to go on. reflects the stable factors that help keep the relationship. Sternberg’s Love Triangle
* He sees love as being composed of familiarity. passion and committedness. * Intimacy refers to the feelings of heat and intimacy we have with person we love. * Passion refers to woo. attractive force and gender.
* Commitment refers to both the short-run determination that you love person and the long-run committedness to be in the relationship. * Men and adult females tend to hold different positions of the relationship between love ( or familiarity ) and sex ( or passion ) . Work force can divide love from sex instead easy. Women by and large view sex from the point of position of a relationship.
The Pleasure and Pain of Love
* Intense love has confused and tormented lovers though-out history * Passionate love
Acknowledge the human emotions
* Two constituents:
* Physiological rousing
* Emotional account for the rousing
The Transformation of Love
* All relationships change over clip.
* At first. high degrees of passion and increased familiarity
* Reduction of love affair and or passion leads to the transmutation of deep love. Challenges in Relationship
* Honesty and Openness
* It’s normally best to be yourself from the start of a relationship to give both you and your possible spouse a opportunity to happen out if you are comfy with each other’s belief. involvement. and life styles. * Unequal or Premature Committedness
* Sometimes one individual in an confidant relationship becomes more serious about the relationship than the other spouse. In this state of affairs. it can be really hard to keep a friendly relationship without aching the other individual. * Unrealistic Expectations
* Common outlooks that can ache a relationship include anticipating your spouse to alter ; presuming that your spouse has all the same sentiments. precedences. involvements. and ends on you ; and believing that a relationship will carry through all your personal. fiscal. rational and societal demands. * Competitiveness
* If one spouse ever feels the strong demand to vie and win. it can take away from the sense of connection. mutuality. equality. and mutualness between spouses. The same can be said for a perfectionistic demand to be right in every sentence – to “win” every statement. * If fight is a job for you. inquire yourself if you need to win is more of import that your partner’s feelings or the hereafter of your relationship. * Balancing Time Spent Together and Apart
* Any romantic relationship involves giving up some grade of liberty in order to develop an individuality as twosome. * Remember that every person is alone and has different demands for distance and intimacy in a relationship. * Jealousy
* Some people think that the being of jealousy proves the being of love. but jealousy is really a more accurate yardstick for mensurating insecurity or possessiveness. * When green-eyed monster occurs in a relationship. it’s of import for the spouses to pass on clearly with each other about their feelings.
* A true confidant relationship is characterized by a witting sense of connection to another individual. Successful relationships result in a heightened sense of dignity for both spouses. You need to be able to pass on your demands and wants clearly. listen to your spouse. negotiate and via media.
* The key to develop and keep any type of confidant relationship is good communicating. * Even when we’re silent. we’re pass oning. We send messages when we look at person or look off. thin forward or sit back. smiling or frown. Particularly of import signifiers of verbal communicating are touch. oculus contact and propinquity. * The ability to construe gestural messages right is of import to the success of relationship.
* Self-disclosure – involves uncovering personal information that we normally wouldn’t reveal because of the hazard involved. * Listening – good hearing accomplishments require that we spend more clip and energy seeking to to the full understand another person’s “story” and less clip judgment. measuring. faulting. reding. analysing. or seeking to command. Attentive hearing encourages friends or spouses to portion more and. in bend. to be attentive hearers. * Feedback – giving positive feedback means admiting that the friend’s or partner’s feelings are valid – no affair how disconcerting or distressing – and offering self-disclosure in response.
Gender and Communication
* Men tend to utilize conversation in a competitory manner. possibly trusting to set up laterality in relationships. * Women tend to utilize conversation in a more affiliative manner. possibly trusting to set up friendly relationship. * Men tend to speak more – though without unwraping more – and listen less. Womans tend to utilize good listening accomplishments such as oculus contact. frequent nodding. focussed attending. and inquiring relevant inquiries.
Conflict and Conflict Resolution
* Clarify the issue – Take duty for believing through your feelings and detecting what’s truly trouble oneselfing you. Agree that one spouse will talk first and have the opportunity to talk to the full while the other listens. Then change by reversal the function. Agree to speak merely about the subject at manus and non acquire distracted by other issues. * Find out what each individual wants – inquire your spouse to show his or her desires. Don’t presume what your spouse wants to talk for him or her. * Identify assorted options for acquiring each individual what he or she wants – pattern brainstorming to bring forth a assortment of options. * Decide how to negociate – work out some understandings or programs for alteration. * Solidify the understandings – travel over the program verbally and compose it down. if necessary ; to guarantee that you both understand and agree to it. * Review and renegociate – make up one’s mind on a clip frame for seeking out the new program. and put a clip to discourse how it’s working. Make accommodation as needed.