Nowadays the percentage of divorces is increasing. The psychologists say that people decide to separate their ways because of the bad habits of their partner. First of all, alcoholism is the biggest reason to divorce. While drinking too much, the spouse can treat to his second half in a cruel way. Moreover, all the income he spends for drink and family often doesn’t have enough money to survive.
The second reason is the thoughtless marriage. A lot of young people get married too fast, without even knowing each other for some time. They give birth to their children and then understand that it is hard to live in such a way. It leads to divorce.
The third cause is being mistaken. Our expectations of what marriage is supposed to be childish. We think if we meet someone, fall in love and marry and then that person is going to take care of all our needs, be there at every need and put to end any problems or loneliness we may feel.
The forth is a shortage of money. People nowadays live on a limited budget. Sometimes, they even can’t earn money for leaving. That’s why when husband can’t provide his wife and children with all the necessary things; the wife may decide to divorce from him.
By the way, it is a fact that wives quarrel with their husbands much more than husbands with wives. A lack of understanding and proper communication among couples also leads to misunderstandings and constant fights which ultimately end in divorce. Couples need to discuss problems with each other and resolve issues in order to save their marriage.
High expectations from the marriage and different goals and priorities in life are other reasons for conflicts between couples. If the marriage is not working out, couples are reluctant to put in the required amount of effort that will help them be happier with each other. The expectations of what marriage is supposed to be are still quite childish in many cases.
As there are different reasons for divorces, there are also several “divorce phases.” Researchers found 6 phases of divorce. The first one is – emotional phase. It includes all the bad feelings such as anger, irritation, disappointment, guilt, shame, fear, anxiety, hopelessness, and revenge. The next phase called legal. This one is when a couple is no longer wife and husband on formal documents. The third phase is – economic; here a couple tries to divide the money, property and all other valuable stuff equally. The fourth phase is co-parental which requires handling the situation with the custody of children. The next phase called community and affect the social life of the couple. The last phase is psychic and in this phase man and woman tries to live alone again.
There is no doubt that divorce and all the reasons for it affect the whole family and children as well. Moreover, the child also tries to deal with those six phases of divorce that we discussed earlier. Parents usually forget that children need explanations. This is one of the reasons why children can have depression. Firstly they would think that they caused the divorce.
Child and divorce
Besides, the child will cope with different negative emotions. He will feel rage on himself and his parents, anxiety, dishonesty and injustice, misfortune, loneliness, etc. It will be difficult for a child to communicate with others, especially with peers, who can mock them. We are sure that it is very difficult to adapt to life after parents’ divorce. He also could create negative images of his own spouse and family life. Researches show that children who went through parental divorce have “sleeper effect” when they became adults. It means that such a person will suffer from not being loved, have troubles with the formation of a family, have to fear of betrayal, low self-esteem, and different doubts.
Another impact divorce will have on common holidays and birthdays. For sure, those should be celebrated together no matter what. But if there is an agreement on exclusive custody, the child will have to spend holidays alternatively with mom and dad. It is a big problem for children to choose between two homes.
Next problem for children is to get friendly relations with a stepparent and his/her children. In this situation, the child feels jealousy and inability to share his mom or dad with others. It is hard psychologically to accept the fact that your mother or father can love someone else not related to your family.
Impact of divorce
Despite all impacts of divorce, the parent should create a positive climate in their relations and keep a child out of all conflicts. Children can be happy and cope with the parental divorce more easily when they have great relations with both parents. Neither man nor woman can talk bad things about her/his ex. Parents should be emotionally stable and positive, responsible for their words and action, focus on their parenting job – provide love and understanding. Moreover, parents should have common views on upbringing and children education. Psychologists suggest discussing all points concerning their common child and his or her future.
Children need support, good conditions and answers to all their questions. So be ready to talk with your child about divorce, its reasons, and future life together. The child should understand that life goes, and people can change their feelings to each other, but they love their children anyway.
Well, it is a well-known fact that divorce has a damaging effect on all the members of the family. It is a painful process which affects all fields of your life: financial, social, etc. We should take children’s feelings into consideration before breaking up our relationship. Maybe there will be a small tiny chance that can save your family. But if not, I hope that everyone will put their child in the first place and help him to adjust to all changes in a family. You can always turn to a psychologist who will help your children to overcome the difficult process of the divorce and all negative feelings towards it and to keep good relations. The child should be assured that he is not guilty and he is loved despite the divorce.